Dear Darla Diaries

cause it's true

Courtesy of @GeorgeTakei FB page ...

ain't all its cracked up to be

I have somehow contracted the plague. Okay, that may sound a little overdramatic. Next I will have you thinking that I'm licking leprousy patients and tickling the chicken pox kids. I actually managed to catch mom's bronchial disease she's been sporting upstairs for the last few weeks. And boy does it rock.

Not so much.

It feels like an invisible hand is constantly choking the middle of my throat while simultaneously pulsing. Compound the flaming heat down my neck with sinus pressure across the face and you have my issues. This little mess, along with my fractured voice, has been toying with me for almost a week. With the biggest flare being over the last few days.

Two people didn't recognize me on the phone today. First, my girl Faith who called on the phone in the wee hours. Um friend? Is this really you? And 7 hours later my dear sweet husband. Honey? You sound like crap! Well thanks babe! That's EXACTLY what I was going for!

Aren't ya'll glad I could drag myself to the puter and blog about it! In all fairness I needed to distract myself while my hubby monopolized my entertainment aka the only tv in the living room, so he could do his crazy stupid Insanity workout. There's a reason they call it that.

Ooh and lest I forget. Best part of this disease?

        Honey what's 6 times 28?

        I don't know. More than 28? I'm blogging here. Check your own damn heart rate.

        Sorry, that's my sick attitude talking. It's [coughgag] 168

Anyhoo, the best part is the coughgagpee reflex. Everytime I feel like I need to cough the choking sensation gets tighter, and I driveheave gagcough with a little pee. It's freaking awesome. Come a little closer and I will share it with you.

sick cactus source

randomly is as randomly does

I have a wonderful twin birthday post hiding in the recesses of my mind waiting to get out. I have begun the Jillian Michael's shred per twin's suggestion. Poor hubby has been working 14 hour shifts. Has anyone seen my attention span? My mother-in-law can be the monkey on my back. Sometimes squeezing in one-more-bible-study really can be the definition of overkill. My work load is erratic as a drunken yo-yo on a licorice spring. Kitty it's called a jumping jack, please stop pawing at my leg. Why did my loving friend leave me baked cryptonite. That one cookie keeps taunting me! Don't give up the ship. Old episodes of Top Chef are such a lovely reminder of home. Oh man, I forgot about that muscle! Damn you IceCream competition ... You are my soulmate!

little instigator

I'm sure that in no way shape or form was doodling Tang.led with and for my friends cute daughter Ali a detriment to my carpal tunnel.

For weeks my numb and fiery wrist and fingers had beat my alarm clock to bring me to a wakeful status. Thank you pain. Because they won't flare up at the dr office I get to eat NSAIDs and bully through it. Go team.

what the heck is this

It's amazing how 8 weeks can fill up in a hurry. We are on the downhill side of this deployment and lucky for me that time frame coincides with the holidays. I nearly had a panic attack when I sketched out what the last bits will look like and what I need to get done in both the personnel, health, home and holiday areas of my life.

I sure am an expert in staying busy.

I currently feel like I am also an expert in not blogging. My twin has taken off with flying colors. Her blog is chock full of those day-to-day earthquakes that happen when you a full time working mom of two exploding boys in the ages of 9 and 12. My dear Angel is also running crazy with her cup-a-cake business and all my newer mommy bloggers are either blogging their hearts out or mommying their brains out.

I feel just a little adrift. The MIL likes to jokingly refer to it as an early menopause. Listen lady, I tell her lovingly, just cause your medical conditions forced you into it early (i.e. same age as me) I (a) don't have any symptons that coincide with anything on ye olde internet (which we know NEVER steers us wrong) and (b) still want to pray for that baby miracle a LITTLE.LONGER. I'm only 32.

Maybe it's just the deployment. I'm working so hard to not focus on it, not whine about it, not look at the clock, not stalk the husband, not count the days and enjoy the fact that he's been fervently stalking and loving me in new and unusual ways that I'm just not seeing the daily blog fodder like I use too. This is life I suppose.

It'll come back to me internet and when it does I will smack the taste outta your mouth with it!

 

a little glue will do you

With a freshly made chicken taco half crammed into my mouth the phone rings. Naturally. Timing is everything in my house. We had just settled in to watch an episode of Criminal Minds, or more like the 13th attempt because we love random IMs, Skypes, phone calls and door ringers during dinner. It was my friend B and her son had gotten a little clumsy on a stool and face planted a kitchen counter thus driving his teeth into his lips and spewing blood like a water fountain.

Off to the ER we went. Word to the wise and your Mama, don't google 'crazy ER visit.' You cannot burn those images off your retinas. I nearly retched and the logo for Cast Iron is seared on my gullet.

maybe if George Clooney or Noah Wylie were at the ER things would've been different

Well to say that Keegan is terrified of doctors, hospitals and emergency medical care would be like cavalierly saying the sun was dim. On a hotter than hades day without a cloud in the sky. Since B's hubby is out of town I got roped in to play left field which could possibly involve full body smothering if any stitches like implements came out of the box. Luckily they did not.

The whole trip was an actual breeze. It was major enough for seemingly excessive bloodshed but minor enough the med tech could apply some skin glue and send us on our way. Apparently 16 22 year-old, wetbehindtheear Airman Basics don't appreciate being called kids. Sorry Tech Dude but your Scoobie Doo stickers didn't identify you as more than a BP taker and even I can run those machines. Big kudos to  you for not causing said child to scream and getting knucks. If I see you at work tomorrow I will call you Tech Dude and not The Kid. It was only a minor misunderstanding.

As my friend Anthony has said 'Birth Control much?' No but every adventure will all you parental-friend-figures is a smallish lesson in it. Let's face it though, for all the fit throwing, whining, self-induced injuries and attitudes you wouldn't give it up in a heartbeat. You want to be a parent. You can understand what we are missing.

hairy feet and the precious

Thank you Entert.inmentWe.kly for brightening up the 300th rainy drisly July summer day with great news: TheHobbit has a release date. As we are limited with our lovely AFN AmericanMil cable channel(s) we don't get to see any American television commercials, which includes movie trailers, unless we are in the actual theatre watching a movie. This leaves some of us addicts in the dark about things like epic-release-dates, short of constantly go.ogling/chasing RSS feeds. Let's face it, I can sometimes barely remember to pay the bills and feed the cat and dry my laundry and do the dishes and check on the MIL and mail the hubby care packages and call the states and work. Chasing down odd info like movie times aren't always the top of my game. However, I will have to admit to seeingHP7.2 twice in two weeks, but I can blame my friends for that.

Because Peter Jackson is a big fat, although currently much thinner, tease the Hobbit is actually getting split into two movies. The first will be released in December. Merry Christmas and welcome home MrD! He will return from deployment and get drug by the ear to see it. Good thing he is also an addict.

 

P.S. In case you were wondering my hobbit name is Pearl Gamwich. [Which was also my grandmother's middle name, thank you for asking.] Or thebloggerformerlyknownasDarla. 

Gamwich, ropers and ancestors of the Gammidge family.

You share your Christian name Pearl, with a Pearl (Took): (2975–?) was the eldest sister of Peregrin "Pippin" Took. She also had two sisters named Pimpernel and Pervinca. Pearl probably died sometime before the year 63 of the Fourth Age when Pippin left the Shire to live in Gondor.

[Courtesy of the awesome HobbitNameGenerator.]

I think this information is a little ironic since the kitten was dubbed Pippin in May. I suppose I should also tell Buckwheat and Alfalfa that on occasion they will also be referred to as Pimpernel and Pervinca.

the kind that i am

 

There is an old email adage about friendship that sings along the lines of ‘If you smile, I smile. If you laugh, I’ll laugh. If you cry, I’ll cry.”  I have just a little funny take on that …

If you are having a good day I am having a great day.

If you are having a bad day I’m having a very morose day.

If you are laughing I’ve already wet my pants.

If you are singing I’m harmonizing right alongside you and just as off key.

If you are having an  anxious day, I’m digging through the medicine cabinet looking for your special pills.

If you are having suicidal tendencies I will be hiding all the ropes, sharp objects and swallowable items within your reach.

If you look at a ledge I will taser you, for your own safety, and protectively lock you into the special white jacket I had custom designed for you.

If you throw a party I’ll bring the DJ,  mixed beverages and passel of trouble makers to keep it hopping. I’m not sure where to find a DJ as I never go to nightclubs, bars or fancyschmancy places but for you I’ll move the moon. I’ll also review MTV videos to figure out what hoping is. Perhaps the Kardashians can give us tips.

If you are having issues with your screaming, whining, overactive, sugar driven offspring I’ll make sure and book a child-free spa day for relaxation purposes. I’ll also hire Vin Diesel to babysit them like on that Nanny movie.

If you have coworkers with attitude problems and you call me I’ll come over and play The Fixer and remind them of the efficiency of Anger Management. Perhaps I’ll contact Jack Nicholson for some tips.

If you need help in the kitchen I’ll find Gordon Ramsey to firmly encourage you in all things culinary.

If you can’t work your lawnmower I’ll blackmail the neighbor kid into doing it for you.

If you have those days when you are so homesick you want to move your entire family into your apartment complex I will find all of Jason Bourne's cohorts to smuggle them over in the light of the moon.

Always remember that you can't lose me. I can often be found at the edge of your peripheral vision, in the dark shadow of your closet, hugging the box springs under the bed, singing 'Soft Kitty' to your feline, changing your tv channels while you are watching and least expect it, in the spare tire cubby in the trunk of your car and nibbling the stale cookies under your desk.

case in point

Yes he is sitting on my shoulders and yes that is his regular position.
Can you guess what room of the house I'm in? I'll give you a clue: toothbrushes are stored here.

If it hasn't been made abundantly clear prior to this point: I have very little shame on my blog. Although certain things like my best friends feelings and husbands sexual prowess are off limits, other things are completely fair game and abused accordingly.

how the new fodder medium came about

Whilst I was getting soap into my eyes and tripping over the shampoo bottle rolling around the shower floor I had an epiphany: I should tw.tter. Yes, I do have frequent epiphanies in random locations. Tw.tter?! you say.

I know that I have jumped on  my mountain and furiously waved my OhHellNoIWontTitterTweetTwit,  Idon'thavetime, Itseemscomplicated and Everyoneisdoingit flags in the past. Recently I had quite the fascinating conversation between my friend DrewCDavid and his lovely wife whom I jokingly refer to as TheMenoScholar. She said you HAVE to do it! You have the randomest funniest things to say. I defended myself calling those things MYLIFE and they being the perfect BLOGFODDER. Which at the time made perfectly good sense.

I am currently pinging like my ten-old-nephew in reading class without his ADHD ::squirrell:: MEDS. The hubby is deployed and for some reason and with him the small part of my sanity that helps ground me into zen. So the nights seems to be getting later and later, close to 2a on too many mornings, and the wakeup just seems to be earlier and earlier when the 630a alarm starts chirping. I need a new distraction.

As I previuosly mentioned, half blinded by soap and trying to not slice my legs while removing stubble, it struck me like a flourescent bulb: T-W-I-T-T-E-R. Do it like you think! The random passing comments that flit through my brain like lightning bugs on a balmy June night. Should I wear socks to bed? Will those bookshelves make the living room more brighter or ominous? Will the new kitty like to lick tape, chew through cake or will he prefer my couch arms? Did Mah remember to take her meds this morning? Does the boy actually read the FB messages I send him? Tacos or cereal for dinner? Should tasering be illegal?

Thus the @randomlygrl was born. Will it last as long as this blog as progressed? It's hard to say. But at the moment it will vie with ANGRY *&%#$^& BiRds!!! to keep me from getting on every last nicotine withrdrawn nerve my roomie/Mother-in-Law may have left and a few more she's got in hiding.