Dear Darla Diaries

humanity at it's finest

the social network. the irony of blogging while watching this movie does not elude me. the first bits of the movie shows the head of facebook blogging his issues. ironic. even funnier is that watching a movie about facebook movie is causing me to reflect ON my FB account.

i have mentioned this before: FB and i have a love/hate relationship. it stems from many things including, but not limited too, the fact that everything online is permanently in ink. once it's online it's online forever. obviously i blog, so that isn't a completely unknown bit of information, but the fact still remains.

a chinese proverb i found through an iPhone ap reads: if you don't want anyone to find out, don't do it.

very true. as most bloggers know hoof-in-mouth disease is a common part of interweb society we embrace. in humanity no one is perfect. some fantastic advice i have overheard says: don't write online what you wouldn't normally share with close friends/familiy. it's true. it's very true. in the RL [real life] i do talk how i write. i often have three or four subjects flying out of my mouth simultaneously and i speed chatter whether nervous, excited or generally hyped up. i'm found funny because i have very little shame and probably a little too much openness and a little raw in the honesty department. but this is me and everyone knows it.

back to FB. FB? is that where i was writing about? i was thinking of finally taking the time to either delete all the unneccessary clutter on my FB page or just delete the page and relaunch it. do understand the only reason to relaunch it is that it really is the easiest way to stay connected to my actual friends and family. i just have acquaintances and clutter and i get seriuosly overwhelmed by the clausterphobic feeling of 5 million people in a very small room. at the core of the thing FB is beautiful: the photos, messaging, page access, etc. the games and the aps and gazillion please-love-me-by-saying-you-love-me-by-x,y,z requests is mind boggling. many people may love and enjoy them, i find them minimally tolerable at best. at best.

it may sound odd but i want to treat my FB the way i treat my blog. for those that know me in RL and get me the way i am ... to them they have the address or the access. i don't link my FB to my blog. they are separate. some may choose to treat FB like a blog but i do view them on a different medium no different than Twitter or MySpace. my MySpace has been idle so long i SHOULD delete it and i think i tweeted once than threw in the towel.

this whole angst may stem from the fact that i've never been a big fan of the yearbook format. i love my close friends as family and vice versus. i am loyal, as a dog, and it's not a popularity contest. and sometimes i feel a little or rather a lot introverted and I shy away from even the most eager person from my past because it makes me nervous. i understand why autistic kids shy away from noise and bright colors. it can be really overwhelming and startling when done in mass forms.

the movie. the social network. it explodes. the way a really good idea does when it has taken on a life of it's own that is completely out of control. the site FB is doing the same thing. in the movie Mark Zuckerberg is quoted as saying "there is no end." so in that regard where are my boundaries within FB going to be? yours?

moral of the movie: don't make hasty irrevocable decisions via the internet unless you are ready for viral consequences. [yes i'm sure a far lengthier description of depth can also be used to describe it but i thought i'd condense it down.] it's my blog. i'm going to stop excusing my mouth and just be me.

odd but also interesting random fact: if you haven't seen the movie would you even know who eduardo savrin or the winkelvoss brothers were in connection to FB? or the fact that the original co-founder of Napster Sean Parker played such an integral role in the FB origins?

big fat stupid diet head

Oh blog, I haven't written for awhile.

I missed you.

I have all these lame excuses about sleeping, working graveyards, spending endless hours playing hospital-shuttle-driver for the mom-in-law, briefly coercing with the new WoW Cataclysm ... but in the end they all sound like excuses.

I know you want to hear about my life and breath and dysfunctionality.

I know you miss our utterly random discussions and constant topic hopping.

I know you miss slapping yourself in the forhead during those 'duh girl!' moments that on occasion I miss entirely.

I know you miss my runonsentences, poor punctuation and atroscious paragraphs.

This is me catching up. Here goes nothing.

I finally went to the doctor to check on my stupid old lady wrists and my continual and perpetual sinus allergies. The lovely Dr Odawa confirmed a few things I already had an inkling about. My carpal tunnel is very very angry and my sinuses don't play well with others. He prescribed a brace, some anti-inflammatories and a long awaited prescription dosage of allergy meds. Apparently not only were the OTC meds not working, but I was overmedicating.

Buzzkill.

A dear friend returned. I, however wasn't aware of his freeloading status until the nurse so sweetly pointed it out. Welcome back HighBloodPressure. You've been missed.

In the states, about two years ago, we first met. Luckily at that point I was hardcore CrossFit [see the links over on the left if you don't know] and had a uber obsessive BFF who knew and agreed to all our self induced pain and agony. I was also trying to get pregnant and watching a myriad of things. Together we were ever to keep HBP to random and infrequent visits that kept everyone happy.

Once again, excuses. That is my justifaction for falling off the exercise wagon. That and relocating, new job, new country, wah, wah wah and a slice of peanut butter pie.

I now own my first blood pressure cuff. I also am the proud owner of a struggling and evasive low sodium - low fat diet regime. Go team. The doctor, ironically, didn't give me further instructions and g.o.ogle is proving taxing at best, but I'm working on it.

Does anyone besides me realize how boring plain tuna with a touch of mustard, fruit, plain raw veggies and cold dry Kashi cereal can be?

I did discover interesting facts with my new HBP LSLFDiet: eggs cannot be your friend. I was a bit ignorantly eating egg white omeletes because of the fat content in them. The sodium in the egg whites (thank you IncredibleEggSite) however, more than makes up for the lack of fat. In fact it seems like it would be healthier to just eat the YOLK in my case. So I've cut out 98% of all "sodium" things but turn around crippled myself with an EGGWHITE??

Thank you internet. You are a true friend indeed.

My next stop may have to be to nutritionist for tips and points.

In the mean time dear HBP ... watch your back. I'm coming for you with a passion, a scale and a fistful of sharpened carrots.

p.s. Dear g.o.ogle I'm sorry I doubted you. I just stumbled upon the DASH diet. Also known as  "the DASH diet (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) is a diet promoted by the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute" per Wikipedia.

And to answer your unspoked question dear HBP, yes I do tend to draw the cart before the horse.

Egg, you are still off the menu in your natural form.

Baked goods, you are back on the bandwagon. Thank you MayoClinic for the delicious recipes and diet tip plan!

when i think of fit

We have been rewatching the Battlestar Galactica series. Katie Sackhoff reminded me of how lazy I've been lately. Let me clarify lazy as working a million hours and days in the week but doing as little in the exercise world as physically possible. From a girl who used to be daily beaten up in her Crossfit routines to slinging propane tanks, fuel cards and kegs of beer she's come a long way. I miss having a tighter core and sore muscles. I especially miss the natural high that comes from the adrenaline rush of running, chasing, pouncing and lunging. Some people seek to be the Hollywood thing ... maybe not waifishly so but definitely the 100-120 lb variety.

I seek the muscularish look of Pink or Starbuck above. I'd rather have a ripply 150-160 or even 180lb physique if my body can maintain the muscle that fuels the energy and ability to bounce up in the morning and not just loll by my keyboard sucking coffee and staring crosseyed at WoW trying to awaken my body.

Perhaps I should get back on the horse that I used too ride. I'm sure it too is lollygagging nearby.

OOh ... maybe I should just make that yellow art and starting working out tomorrow.

what a mess

Talk about feeling hit with a ton of bricks. The last 48 hours feels like 48 days. We are currently residing in a single hotel room designed for overnight stay. That's 3 adults, a cat and possible month stay with no car or license for at least another week. Today we got our first iPhone for less than 30 euro, roughly less than $45. I'm so excited to at least be able to Skype, email and contact locals as needed. How did I live without this phone? I'm not sure but it distracts me from the HUGE adjustment period that just couldn't be prepared for.

you think you're hilarious don't you

Some new suggestion for blog titles based on our current PCS-to-Germany experience:

• PCSing Out of Country: It Ain't Cheap Or Easy
• Ramstein: PCS or Bust
• Orders to Germany: Hock the Kids and Sell the Pigs
• Please Hand Over All Your Money And The PCS Will Begin
• PCS-land: Where Optimistic and Pessimistic Run Hand and Hand
• It Ain't Called A Bitch Slap For Nothing
• Permanent Change of Station? Permanent Call of Sanity
• Why the Weak Eat Their Young
• Why Are We Doing This Again?
• Just a Few More Reminders That You Haven't Donated Enough Money To The Cause
• One Headache Or Two?
• Military Pay: They Giveth And Taketh Away
• How Many Charges Can Be Racked Up On One Move
• The Damn Cat: Costs More Than Your Mother To Move
• We Have Orders To Where? I'm Pretty Sure I Burned Them ...

the next four weeks flew by in the last five minutes

My normally far more side-tractable MrD just spewed out a very organized action plan of the next 5 weeks leading up to our relocation to Ramstein. My left eye was twi-twi-twitching and drool was slowly escaping the right side of my mouth. Ironically it's not the getting or adapting to Germany that is disturbing me nearly as much the amount of things needing to be accomplished between work, home, family and the like in a very short amount of time.

Pardon me while I spew nervous anxious and slightly excited energy all over my laptop. There. All better. The cooking therapy is also enjoyable. Nothing like grilling up italian dressing marinated chicken, baked tators and delicious pico-guac-n-chips to soothe the belly. Nom nom nom. Love me some food!

will sulfa please raise his hand

Another doctor's appointment today. Very interesting results. Apparently I had almost all the symptons of Hepatitis A the last few weeks, with the exception of being jaundiced, but but BUT the Hep panel keeps coming back to negative. So I do have it but I don't?

The trick with Hep A is that you can contract a virul version of it from meds.

The doctor believes now that all my drama was med induced. From meds he prescribed me three weeks ago ... for a SI.NU.S INFECTION! Brilliant. I knew I really was an episode of H.ouse.

Excessive weight loss: i.e. 16 pounds in 10 days. Check
Excessive temp for 4 days: Check
Fatigue: Check
Vomiting: Check
Full body rash: Check
Elevated liver levels: Check
Swollen and aggravated liver: Check
Hepatitis A: Inconclusive.

What sucks is I've seen this doctor nearly a half dozen times in the past 3 weeks. I like him. He's terribly nice ... I'm just not a fan of another drug induced allergic reaction.

So as always there was another life lesson to be learned: don't take drugs. Or maybe it's just stick with ibuprofen.

peanut butter and sardine demons

Mer.r.iam-Web.ste.r. wrote ...

anx-i-ety
1 a : painful or apprehensive uneasiness of mind usually over an impending or anticipated ill b : fearful concern or interest c : a cause of anxiety
2 : an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it

A mild case of nerves has somehow have blown itself into full blown unrelenting hysterical anxiety attacks. I have never been afflicted with these and yet now I just can't seem to pry their taloned grasp from me.

I have always been the kind of kind of girl with pretty vivid dream and a hyperactive imagination. I can dream death, life, adventure. I talk in my sleep and tend to embody bits of my life around me with those fantasies that we all carry in our daily lives. It has always been a topic of discussion between my family and friends for the things my sisters and I will be discussing on random mornings or have woken our sleeping partners up with at the oddest of times, sometimes even things only they are aware and we are absolutely oblivious too. We also tend to rarely repeat a dream from any given night.

I rarely have insomnia and even more rarely wake up besides the very occasional night to go pee. Somehow those days seem long gone.

For the last several months now my subconscious has made me an anxious mess. I don't I've slept a whole night through more than a handful of times without being awake by at least 1:30 or 2 and tossing and turning until my alarm starts going off at 5:30 and finally succumbing to it's bleating at 6:15. Only the past few mornings have I decided to just get up in the wee hours and try to either just stay awake or shake it off and salvage part of the needed sleep cycle.

Originally it was work. I'd wake myself up in a near panic that I'd emailed the wrong people the wrong thing or IM'd absolutely bizarre facts to the entire company. These allegations would send me into a blind hysteria. I am very cautious who and what I email. My job is in HR and it is vital that I follow this protocol.

It didn't stop with work. I had hoped it would eventually fade into oblivion.

It spread to my gaming and to my friends. For weeks I have dreamt I was playing WoW and I would read my screen to realize I would be thinking one thing and IMing completely other phrasing. These would be direct chats to my friends, guildies and mass public in general.  Other times I would send out personal attacking and utter lies to close friends and families. Opinions and facts that were not only completely fabricated but often hateful and punishing. My caring and generous nature is running at its full flight or flight mode.

This has had me not only waking up with tears marking my face but also logging on in the wee hours to reset passwords and verify I didn't need to do unnecessary damage patrol of epic proportions.

Lately this hysteria is fading into my friends. This morning I woke myself up thinking I had let down a few specific individuals with some sort of important emails I had PROMISED them I would have to them by certain times/dates. Although I can't for the life of me now remember what they were..

This is driving me slowly and surely crazy.

I have changed my nighttime habits repeatedly hoping it would fix it. From my regular 9p bedtime to whenever the show is over or I pass out on the couch. I get new books and bury my head in their luscious pages. My mind may cling to the story until completion but my brain still produces the same technical nightmares. I pray. I listen to the radio. I don't listen to the radio. I workout. I don't workout. I look like crap at work. I change my diet.

I have even nearly banished myself from most social networking sites from my favorite game WoW to Facebook because I am so hyperaware of the fact that maybe I will lose control like in my dreams and it just won't stop.

Nothing seems to work.

I refuse to medicate but yet know I can't continue down this train track and function during the daytime effectively. For the most part the evening monsters only poke their heads out in the edges of my daylight hours but yet I hate the fact that regardless of my exhausted state of when I lay my head down I'll still be up at this same time trying to fight these unrelenting demons.

I really hope this will abate a little when MrD comes home. Now that we're prepping for a move to Germany in the late Spring I am wondering if that is just a naive thought. Oye.

the rules is da rule

Good news: It was a normal day in Sharon Springs, KS when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina .

The Bad news: Just a few miles into the trip a wheel bearing became overheated and melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail, creating white hot molten metal droppings spewing down to the rail.

The Good news: A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train and immediately stopped the train in compliance with the rules.

The Bad news: The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge with creosote ties and trusses.

The crew tried to explain to higher-ups but were instructed not to move the train!

They were instructed Rules prohibit moving the train when a part is defective!


RULES IS RULES!

(Don't let common sense get in the way of a good disaster!)

reaching for the tylenol

Dear S
So I have a date this week.
It’s at 7p tonight.
He said I have to wear a special dress code.
He informed me that antiperspirant is required.
He suggested that headphones although helpful, weren’t necessary.
He said he would bring his friend Pain to hang out with us.
He said he didn’t have care what my husband thought about us.
He said he likes 3-ways and you are his type.
He also said you can have a 7-day pass, after that he plans to stalk you like a dog on a bone.
He said you may have met before …. His name is Cardy O.
He said not to worry about his last name, he’d be the one making phone calls
He said when he was done with me I wouldn’t remember my name and my husband probably wouldn’t recognize my body
Darla



LOL that's awesome!!! He sounds familiar but it's been a while. Will you tell him that I'll meet up with him soon?? And don't have too much fun without me!! lol
S