Dear Darla Diaries

the attitude around these parts

The husband is finally returning after 6 months in the next 12-22 days, are we ready?
Do we have enough toilet paper?
Did I remember to move the kittens litter box to the basement, as previously promised?
Is the MIL in shipshape condition?
Did the Christmas tree get watered?
Oh wait it's fake! Did the cat get beat for trying to eat it?
Did I finish the subtle remodel in every stupid room but ours? Damn the nesting!
Did all the to-do goals get done from July?
I believe dieting and working out were meant to be optional.
I should get points for getting the treadmill, and making space in the basement for it. It's a fine museum piece.
Did the Husband's walk-in closet room get finished?
Did I wrap his Christmas presents?
Did the cat get washed?
Who washes their hell beasts anymore?
Did I send out, cancel and resend out MeetUsAtTheAirport notices to our local friends? Oh that's right we won't have a date until the 24-72 hour mark.
Did someone feed his Mom?
I knew it was getting too quiet in her room!
Has anyone seen my Brain, Sanity and Attention? They keep getting out.

people that go bump in the night

Husband just ran into Super Bowl champ, former Packers and Cowboy, Marco Rivera. He was up way past his bedtime, stumbled into this fellow and enjoyed a cigar. I'm very excited for his happenstance! And it's always funny to see someone dwarf his normally lumberjack frame.

he doesn't know you to miss you

Dear Honey.
I can't believe you've been gone nearly 5 weeks.
I miss you.
This is my new boyfriend Pippin.
He has a few faults.
He is a bed hog for starters.
He doesn't cuddle well.
He likes to chew on me, even when I whine sto-o-o-p!
He's a total ninja.
Come home soon.
xoxo
Me

interesting analogy

While digging through miscellaneous tidbits in my digital files this weekend I stumbled into an interesting tidbit I'm not excatly sure when I originally drafted it. It did ring an interesting chord with me and I wanted to share.

Life is like the local neighborhood football game. The teams constantly change from week to week. Some friends stay and some strangers flow in and out like the tide. You don't always like them, they don't always like you, but we all try and respect the game. Just like life, and it's unexpectedness, we sometimes are lucky enough for a curve ball to be thrown at us. This curve ball can come in the shape of spouses, kids and family. My struggle at the moment lies in the spouse.

Playing football with family can just be complicated. Sometimes it just seems like you are playing on the same team and sometimes it's opposing teams. There are days when one of us plays quarterback and the other the receiver or linebacker. Trying to support and bolster each other, of course. Then you click, and one second they're next to you and the next you are eye to eye with them through the bars of the helmet. Keeping in mind that this is backyard football, you remind yourself that you still love them, no matter what team they're on. You also have to remind yourself that it is in love that you want to smash them into the gridiron. That's the game right?

I had a moment this weekend when my football player seemed to turn in his jersey for a cheese head and a spot in the stands. I said, well two can play at this game, just think of me as an annoying cheerleader planted right in front of your seat asking you to do the wave and scream 'we will rock you' over, and over, and over and over again.

Don't you just love cheerleaders?

oh to speak, and what would i say

Communication. The biggest key to a good deployment or separation is good and thorough communication.

There are many different layers to the communication game. If this relationship imbalanced a partner is sitting in an interview room banging on a one-way pane of glass screaming HEARME to an utterly oblivious spouse. HEARME.

Casual communication: when you call your spouse and allow them to prattle on and on and on. How's your day? Who'd you play with? Did you have a good time? Oh that's so cute. I'm glad you had fun. Don't spend all my money at once! I had a good day at work. I have been playing in the sand. I get to work and swim and run in the heat. It's another day of a 8-hour grind followed by after work drinks and folding laundry. Thanks for mailing me that package. Gotta go. Talk you later.

Serious communication: How much could adoption cost? How should we proceed? What is a realistic expectation? What are your honest thoughts on the matter? What are realistic challenges we will have to face? What are you struggling with on an emotional level with deployment? How can I help you? Are you prepared for it? Can we take one step and a time and handle both challenges?

The struggle of communication between men and women is as old as time. There are numerous books on the matter discussing it including my favorites of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. To communicate through the walls of categorical thinking versus relational thinking. Let's not even begin to digest facts verses feelings, the stories are endless.

How do you build, change, mold and adapt to this everchanging lifestyle? How do you carefully put one foot in front of the other and slowly slog upstream against all the pressures of the media and social society about how you 'should' or 'shouldn't act'.I don't know. I'm pretty sure it's a God-sized problem that only a God-sized vision can fix. I am not God and don't have the answers but I hope to slowly discover them one painful lesson at a time. Some sort of balanced in an imbalanced life.

all of day 3

Honey,

You've been gone all of three days. For the most part it has just been busy. Like any other work week. We've been able to chat nearly daily in bits and pieces. Nothing unusual with any of that ... with the exception of last night.

Do you remember last deployment's first accident? I believe I waited a good month before I ate shit @ the gym. And another good month after to fall down the entire flight of stairs into our basement, while on the phone with you no less. (I just realized that no only did I miss that brilliant blogging opportunity but I MISSED THAT BRILLIANT EXAMPLE OF MY DAY-TO-DAY CLUMSINESS!)

Oh no. You read between the lines didn't you? There was another accident.

Last night I decided to relocate my bedside lamp from one side of our to the exact opposite, so it could act as an indirect night light. I have been freaking out over the most bizarre shadows coming in through our arched skylights. This hasn't been a problem the entire year in this house, including my odd sleep schedules that did not always involve you. The creativity my brain takes while you are gone.

While swiftly walking from the one corner of the bedroom to the other I suddently found myself on my rump on the floor. ON THE FLOOR. I was gripping the lamp in my left hand and rubbing a killer bump on the top of my head with my right. The first thought through that very sore head was WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

Oh yes, I somehow forgot that our ceiling slopes drastically from 8 feet to 2. As it has the entire time we have lived here. And ran smack dab into it.

I think we need to install a safety rail in our bedroom. Your Mom says I have to start wearing a helmet to bed.

 

xoxo
me

fine. go. sigh

Don't look at me with your German beer across the table from our favorite restaurants for the next 6 months. I'll abuse our friends without you!

Don't hog your half of our opulent king-sized bed with too many pillows, no bedframe and often mismatched bedding. I'll just snuggle with bear and new kitty and finally purchase a bedframe!

Don't forget to pack plenty of clean drawers, and your laptop to Skype your wife and deodrant and especially something to shave all the scrubble off your face.

Yea you take your PS3 for your CallofDuty marathons! I can always get a Kinect or a wii (highly unlikely) and will abuse my Mac in your absence. Not that it will be quite as fun without you ...

Or perhaps you can stay? 6 months seems like an awfully long time ...

that time again, dear boy

It's that season that comes around more frequently than not these days with the US military ... deployment time. (Now please realize I know I'm luckier than the majority of Army wives, and many Air Force wives. He has been lucky to go to fairly noncombat zones, as well as only for a short period of time and not the ugly 12-15 months at a time, but it's long enough.)

We have been blessed. The Boy is supposed to be on a one-to-one rotation. Which means when he had returned the last time he only had 6 months before he was to go out again. Since it's one-to-one he would've had equal time in and out of the country. Luckily for us both we had already been slated to PCS/move to Europe so they put it on hold and he avoided deploying with his 'bucket'.

Move the clock forward to June 2011. We have the here and now. Prepping, procrastinating and doing last minute bickering to offset to the unaddressed Stress haunting our hallways and couches.

Last deployment was a completely different bird of a feather. We were in the states, within a days drive of the majority of family and friends, had a large rottweiler, an active cat, an exercise buddy, a plethora of friends kids to borrow, I had a full time job and the MIL stayed with me half the time. It was busy complex and messy but it went by fairly quickly. We had also just closed the door of the very messy infertility journey and were mainly trying to ignore all the emotional crap we hadn't processed as a couple feeling failure. It was full survival mode. Like talking in quiet voices in front of the children. Mustn't hurt anymore feelings than necessary. We IM'd daily and Skyped at least weekly. At the end of the whole thing he even brought me the coolest present of all: MOVING TO GERMANY. Can he top that? I hope to heck not.

This deployment is like looking through the lookinglass with Alice. We live in Germany, and that 'we' includes his mom. We aren't within driving distance of family and it's nearly a $1k flight to join us, including a nearly 10 hour time difference and a 15 to 20 hour travel time. The cat recently passed away in an horric turn of events. I have a brand new kitten being weaned and prepped to join the house in July. I have a Power of Attorney that not only allows me to full on begin persuing the Adoption proceedings but to actually adopt a child. (I highly doubt that can be finished in a 6 month time frame but I have a full green light form Hubby to do so.) We have been swallowed alive by a new plethora of friends and children. I don't have an exercise buddy but I do have a more ample house to exercise in, and a village full of trails to use. I am only working part time this go round but with the MIL and other out-of-country issues to contend with it is a perfect. I have a full recommitted husband to spoil me from only a few hours time difference versus the nearly 10 we contended with last go. Other than already having to schedule a small music legal issue, vehicle repairs, house window repairs, new cat and getting 2nd passports for the MIL and I ... I have some smallish holes of time to fill as I go. From what I hear from the FriendParty even those won't last long.

How will I survive? Probably the same as last time. Keep really busy. Every time we talk remind myself that it's a stage of our lives when we just can't be in the same house, no more and no less. Ignore the fact that he's not here everytime I have a blue moment or wish him in bed with me. Constantly distract myself from the fact that he's away and the 6 months is counting down. I'm not sure how much more I can elaborate on how to surive a long separation from one's spouse, regardless of reason, that I didn't already point out in This Previously Written Post. I'd say I don't like repeating myself but the hubby loves to gently remind me that I can be quite good at it.

My boy gave me a great send off gift. He surprised me by putting on our all time favorite movie, (in my case to the extent it's tattoo'd on my body) and is quoting it in bits and pieces with cute smiles and animation. That kinda love can melt a girls heart like fondu over a tea light.

Pardon the errors I've edited this post 10 ways to Sunday and with eyes blurring I'm sure I'm missing a few more bits.

anxiety at it's max

Eight hours to go in the work day and I will be done chasing patients for the next 28 days. Naturally my sinus pressure and lack-of-energy are vying for attention. Nothing an Alavert-Nasonex-Monster cocktail can't shake I suppose. MrD was inquistive as too what was bothering me late last night as we both avoided sleep and watching just-another-episode-puleease of NCIS S7. Well gee I don't know honey, my entire family suffers from anxiety issues, not to disclude Separation and Social, and this is the MOST stressfree holiday planning we've had in the last 365 days. If it isn't too much to ask can you continue to bring up fun and agreeable topics like where we should live in 2.5 years, why isn't Europe a great idea and why can't U GO TO IRAQ [insert whine.] Cause poking those things with a stick is a great way to go. You could just taser me in advance and put us both out of my misery. Didn't you know my motto in life is Misery Loves Company?

Goosfraba.

taste of my own medicine

I suppose it's my fault. After all the first 9 months of our marriage I refused to cook for him. To teach him a lesson that I will explain shortly. The past 10 years has been hit or miss ever since. So on night's like tonight when I've worked and he's worked we still play the 'what-do-YOU-want-for-dinner-tonight' game. As if it's a new discussion or perhaps our taste buds and cravings have changed magically overnight.

You see when we first got married I had this stereotypical fear that for some reason my husband would fall prey to the habits of our culture and think wife equals maid, slave, cook, baby maker and income bringer. My mother is wonderful at all of the above, God bless her soul, but I've never cared to fill those shoes. I'm neither a Mrs Brady nor an Alice and the thoughts of aprons and tea parties and formal hostessing leaves me as jittery as the rebellious smoking girls on Mona Lisa Smile. A great movie about the breaking free of women's lib and the movement of thinking as an individual versus an item. I would've been in the midst of the rebellious movement.

Time passed. We haven't carried a constant work schedule between us for longer than 9 months in the past 10 years. Needless to say I've never adopted any permanent meal routine. My friends, god bless their rotten souls, have cute habits like Taco Tuesday, Pasta Wednesday and Leftover Sunday. Our only consistency lays in the fact that the majority of the days I don't work I pay attention to the meals, and do the majority of the grocery shopping. I go through months of cooking a lot of Mexican food than Italian than easy American dinerish meals. Than I forget and start back over from scratch.

So night's like tonight happen. They happen because the majority of husbands around the world aren't hardwired like girls. They don't think What's For Dinner? They forget that planning takes time and, unless you are a permanent barbequer or the main meal planner, you have to prestock the fridge to pull off the wonderful three-ingredient semi-homemade thirty minute meal. You have to think ahead to pull the meat out of the freezer to defrost it. As much as I am on overthinker the ability to preplan meals is a huge weakness. I go through giant stages of being all over it and inspired and rocking it and I also go through stages where I am blessed that we don't have kids because my husband has the ability to FEED HIMSELF and I'll be damned if he gets stuck with the option of Freezer Pizza, cold cerea or tuna mac. And by tuna mac I mean one box of macaroni and cheese (any variety) and one can of tuna fish (drained.)

So who wins the It's 7:30p and Your Are Being Indecisive With Dinner Even After I Insisted You Wear Your Big Boy Underwear And Make the Decision Before I Go To Bed Hungry argument (and I am not meaning you should be cooking food at 9p either.) Burger King. My hips and my borderline high blood pressure will thank me later.