Dear Darla Diaries

gone and done it

He loves it. He was a good carpenter, house framer, lumber mill worker, forest bum, survivalist, outdoorsman, karate kid and butcher. He is a great airman. The sacrifices suck from time to time. The price of not being near your family and friends. Getting to make new 'temporary' and somewhat permanent friends from base to base. New doctors. New jobs. New church. New stressers. Peaked anxiety. The feeling of loneliness. New workout routines. The motivation to get out of the house and fulfill those obligations. New schedules and habits. Breaking old effective routines, habits and time zones. And the list goes on. Trust me. But he's happy. It works for him. It provides for our life. Who am I to argue?

Congrats on the reenlistment baby. I got my busy boots on and I'm ready for the next 5 years. (Also the first aid kit, emergency food, friend-contact-list, sisters-in-a-box, daily Skype dates ....)

09.11.11

September 11, 2011 marks a date forever remembered by the current generation. It joins the history books of the 'Where were You when X happened?' along with deaths of JFK, Martin Luther King and the attacks on Pearl Harbor.

I was getting ready for work. We had been married a total of 7 months and I was learning to scurry softly in our gently used single wide trailer in the sticks of southern Oregon. I remember flipping on the Today show so I could sneak peaks on the antics of Katie Couric and Matt Lauer as I flitted to and fro finding the right outfit and grabbing some food before my 10a shift at the medical supply store. Husband had either worked graveyard or swingshift the night prior and was trying to be comatose in the back room.

photo source

I remember seeing the switch from light hearted banter to fear and panic. Live news feeds interrupted every channel as the dreaded alarm signals for a disaster pour through the handmedown television speakers.

It was like watching a train wreck. Or more accurately plane crashes and utter pandemonium. That moment when time freezes as an unpreventable, rather unstoppable, force of action unfolds in front of your eyes. What do you do? Without knowing the full extent of the attacks you don't know whether to immediately call/alert/wake up every person you possibly know and care about to check their whereabouts or wait a minute until the hysteria dies down and then start a phone chain.

I waited a heartbeat than rousted the boy from REM sleep. My memory of it was him in utter disbelief. 'The What? fell?' 'Why are you waking me up?' 'What are you watching.' He hadn't had much sleep and I didn't know what else to do. 'Yes I know we can't fix it but you need to see it!!!'

what have i been up too?

I have just finished watching Season 3 of Sons of Anarchy and I'm left feeling a little listless and overly stimulated all at the same time. It's like the end of Wanted when the pansy-turned-badass turns to the camera and says 'What have you done lately?'

Nothing.

Sure I have kept insanely busy the last 3 months during the deployment. I can give you the boring and often repetitious cycle. I get up a few minutes late. Scramble through a shower and clothing and often missed makeup and breakfast to fly out the door to work. I hustle through three to five hours at the hospital of meeting-and-greeting patients and getting their clothing order. I spend the next four to six hours shopping and delivering the clothing. Depending on the patient load it can be anywhere from a seven to twelve hour day. I come home and snarf whatever the MIL has cooked or scrounge for myself. Some days work is followed by a mad dash back to the store for personal items/groceries/etc. Other days I follow work with Bible study or girls date with a friend. Afterwards it's home to try and text the Hubby for a few minutes down range to check on his day. (Work? Sleep? Eat? Workout? CoD? Talk to anyone?)  In that same two hour window I might try to frantically touch base with immediate family in the states. I also may squeeze a half hour trying to level my Dranei Hunter or Gnome DK in the lovely addiction of WoW, check on the MIL and get some sleep. My free days are usually spent chasing the MIL from doc appointment to appointment, grocery shopping, automotive issues, pet issues, personal medical appointments, church meetings, mailing care pacakages, the occasional girls day out or tourist festival and following up on little tasks from the husband. (And I constantly spool my blog feeds on my iPhone and some YouTube and a little AngryBirds and the NewsFeeds.)

Why does it all seem so whitebread and boring? It's BUSY, sure. I sometimes forget to breathe. When I had the evil cold in August I was forced to rest but it too bled together in a mix of Stargate SG-1 episodes, theraflu and soup.

I'm feeling like a caged animal. I'm really missing the freedom I had in the states of working 40+ hours a week followed by a quick dinner with a family and nightly 7p workout with my girl Shandi. I knew that most weekends a month would be spent with my friends and girls but that work nights could be reserved for stretching my muscles or running some WoW. I'm not sure how it happened but we moved to Germany and the responsibilities exploded 10-fold and thats with a mostly 24 hour/week job.  /fistshake.

Now while my life is usually gogogogogo it isn't interesting per se. My Twin's blog is now chock full of classic mommyblogger moments. She tosses in that right bit of humor, truth and reality. Sure I could blame the fact that her house is full of hyjinx, mayhem, children, animals, weight loss and family. I have (1) a USAF hubby that plays in the dirt (2) an obnoxious 3 month cat and (3) a diet-starved, nicotine-withdrawn, gaming-addictive MIL, but that's not the same.

What am I going to do? I'm not sure. Get a tattoo because I'm anxty and fidgety? Stay busy so I can get sick again when my body goes into a revolt? Blog my mindless droning boring life? Go to work in the morning? Well at least the last part is true, the rest just remains to be seen.

deployment curse strikes again!

Edit: So after a good night's sleep the bump went down slightly, mobility is only slightly impaired/twingy and the bruise is darkening. The good news? I get to keep the leg? Melodramatic much Darla? Why yes, that's why I instantly ran to the blog to cry Danger! Danger! Danger! My leg is hurt crazy bad!

As always, here at Darla-land we appreciate the support!

I slipped on my friends freshly washed kitchen floor while grabbing wipes to clean the baby. 12 hours later I notice a rock size lump on my right knee. (Please excuse the cat scratches and pastywhiteness. I have no one to impress at the moment and I live in jeans.) Hopefully tomorrow morning when I wake up it will still be mobile and only discolored. If not it's a good thing I work at the hospital and my coworker can transport me.

Text conversation with the hubby about the accident.

14 Aug, 2001 20:19

Me: ooh I have a big lump on my knee from falling @ gibson's. may have to get it checked out tomoro. awesomesauce!

Him: You should stop doing that.

Me: ikr! [i know right] I slipped walking across the kitchen floor. damn the deployment curse!

Him: Just showing you how important it is to keep your eyes open! Love you. Time for sleep. Gnight!

Me: Good night. Luv u too!

801st post: take three

I have drafted this post three times.

Each time was getting wittier and wittier.

And each time the computer spontaneously shut down mid type without warning or autosave.

Now I'm not sure what to to say.

The former posts were this in a nutshell:

Still no satellite television. In an a make-believe world the DirtBoys will return today and fix it for a final time today. We may have the ability to watch American television (or the AFN version) returned to us after 3 weeks without. This will be the 6th attempt, 3rd satellite and 7th repair attempt while we are counting.

The MIL and I are in high doubts. We have resigned ourselves to watching Stargate SG-1 in sequential order from Seasons 1 to 10. By Season 4 I will probably be over it and she will probably be so addicted that her WoW friends will forget her account name and her Elite status. Hopefully it also helps her pull through her nicotine withdrawals.

Our priority ranking to have the repairs done in their eyes is somewhere between dishes and laundry and definitely at the bottom of their list, regardless of what they say. Oh the joys of being a deployed spouse who finally actually requests help and instead discovers it's like asking a toddler to recite a successful rocket science equation. No dice.

I would cross link all the recent failures for the 3rd time but I'm in doubt this post will actually post and don't want to jinx my luck.

So it's off to do some more shopping. Blessed Ramadan is allowing our soldiers, airman and the like a health break for August. They need more than a month but we'll take what we can get.  

a little medieval fest style

Went with the girls (Heather and Jessica and kids) to the Medieval Fest this past weekend at the Freisen Natur Wildpark. (Thanks for the photo borrow Heather!)

With the exception of the steep entrance fee couldn't have asked for a better place to spend some time!

All sorts of 'period' people, places and things.

Sadly most of my 'crowd' shots are on video, along with my WeWillRockYou song in German! (Knight's Tale anyone, besides me and Jess?!) I'll post a Vimeo link as soon as I take the time to upload.

I did however get what should be my father-in-law's new porch accessory!

I love that the frau dressed her kinder in costume!

Interesting story about my friend here. I was walking by and made a random comment about the gauntlets on his table. He started chattering boisterous German at me, ran around his table and beartackledhugged me as if I were his long lost kin! Naturally I couldn't pass up such a fun photo op after all that sweet love! Heather jokingly referred to him as my Hubby's temp replacement! It was nice to know that I had just enough meat on the bones to be the perfect shape for serving wench!

Heather got her dues when she jokingly stuck herself and Masami in this fun 'cage.' I thought it hilarious when we later translated Kinderbetreuung to mean Child Care. I would SO stick my children in a cage like that while I enjoyed meat-on-a-stick.(My imaginary children that is.) Hopefully Jess posts a photo of the enormous roll-on-a-stick they were all gnawing on.

I did of course pull the fun adoptiveauntiefriend card. I got the children awesome wood period-piece whistles! They blew and blew and blew on those things! Love the fact that outdoor fests are the perfect environment for such items! Sadly their parents were probably not as appreciative in the home! I love you guys!

it always comes back to this

Parents have the most interesting ways of giving you perspective. I was talking to my Dad recently, even though it had nothing to do with the prior post, and he had a way of inserting dad wisdom as parents often do. So bear with me while I clarify.

I am very thankful for our life. I'm very thankful for my husband's job in the military. I'm very thankful that my husband's jobs pay for the roof over our heads, clothes on our back, food in our stomachs and the ability to take care of his mother. I'm very thankful that his job has offered me the opportunity to have my job. I'm very thankful my job allows me to work hand-in-hand with the wounded warriors that come through the hospital daily and I can give them a little piece of encouragement in a really horrible situation. I'm very thankful that this unique opportunity has allowed us to live all over the worlds (so far just Washington state and Europe), experience new places and meet new people and great friends that we would never have seen working in the lumber mill in our home state. And most of the old millworkers are in the unemployment line.

I know that we have so many things that many don't have and for all of that I'm greatful. If the sacrifice we have to make is separation on a regular basis than so be it. I know I should pull on my boot straps and buck up, and I will, but sometimes I'm allowed a moment. And sometimes I forget how to wallow in the bottom of the bathtub like the other kids and I want to SCREAM IT TO THE WORLD.

So today I thank you for your support and I'll try reading these sites and not just googling them:

StripesMilitaryMom (because even chillenless wives could use some support.)

MilitarySpouseOfTheYear (when did they get so young? we can be young and strong!)

SpouseBuzz: Deployments (so many links so few hours. I am a little surprised to see my interested peeked at the first few bits: care packages, communication, pillow talk and survival.)

WittyLittleSecrets: she hit the nail on the head!

My favorite Sara does a hilarious PCS bit that describes my desire to pack all our excessive stuff into plastic totes and finally be rid of all cardboard boxes! (No we are not moving but I love to be prepared and organized!)

MilitarySoS: Spouse supporting the spouse.

 

starting the 3rd month

Second round of deployment and starting the third month. Some days when I feel lonely I have to remember it's not like this anymore. We have wi-fi and satphones and they had snailmail and carrier pidgeon. We have Skype and they had barely legible handwriting. We have global support groups and they only had each other. They were STRONG and sometimes I feel so weak.

Somehow this book got lost in translation between the generation, however at times I think my Boy forgets it that the only rules I was taught were in regards to Respect, Adultery and Murder. (Do. Don't. Don't. In case you were wondering.) My mother showed me many examples of how to be a GREAT wife but as I am a rebellious nonconformist girl it is hard to remember them.

We rarely talk compared to some of my friends who have lengthy conversations multiple times a day. Between us is a line of text or two a day and maybe a conversation of depth every other week. I have it in my mind that he hears the litany of blah, blah, dishes, blah, blah, pet. I want him to hear my story, tell me I'm cute and want to live a little vicariously through me. Not expect me to pick up another 165% of his socializing and energy with 50% of the manpower. Man down! Man down!

With the remaining -0.25% of my energy he really wants this. I have a few pieces stacked against me, but nothing some dieting, cosmetic surgery and exercise can't fix. Pardon me my kitten is lay across the remote and blocking my access to the salsa bowl. I can't run and drink at the same time, I might spill the vodka! But I LOVE you Babe!

Of course not, but the mac'n'cheese is a bit seared, the cake is toast and our German oven is aa complex roboticlike creature with heirogylphics for instructions. Even my German friends are confused over the contraption in my kitchen! We may perfect the art of caking baking before he returns.
At the end of the night when I'm cuddled around my cat I just want my dirty warm husband to curl up into me and keep me company. I don't care if he's playing @ngry!b1rds or looking at the moon but I want an arm wrapped around me and a kiss on the cheek. To share my pain in my personnel bubble, not living at arms length unable to support, aid or assist.

Word of advice to all your husbands/partners out there: If you take care of the little things the big things will take care of themselves. If you go out your way on a daily basis to show us you love us in the little ways, we can take mountains in stride. The big things scare us no more than an ant. If you forget the little things, traffic bumps look like Mount Everest and we quake in terror over kittens. If faced between having to do it and choosing to do it sometimes it's cool to let our knight in shining armor fend for our honor.

P.S. It's not all bad.

a little sunlight amidst the fog

How do spouses handle deployment? It is a question often asked from civilians, nonmilitary and even other spouses. Well there are many steps, tics and habits we develop. For this post I will let you in on a little secret ... you ready for it? How about now? Ok: We stay busy! And we rely heavily on our friends to keep us in this state! Today was a phenomenal example of that.

The first part of the day was the satellite adjustment debacle. That marked the first set of friends I got too lean on: The neighbors. Nate, Louise, Krista, Kara and Ellie are part of my daily hijinks. Usually I bump into them in completely unplanned ways ... like when I see clouds of soap bubbles drifting over the back fence and I go out to investigate. It's like a faerie world ... dimples, giggles and skirts. Louise and I may banter over the fence or Nate may toss out a hail Hello! through the kitchen window when I get out of my car after a long day. Lovely people. They are a prime example of a loving, messy, God filled family. Just by being them is a blessing into itself.

The middle part of the day was filled with the MIL, Mark and Suse! For Suse's belated birthday we went to see HP7.2 and drug Mah (the MIL) out of her housesitting duties to do so. She may have not been feeling good when she was forced into the car but she was a popcorn stuffing, 3D glass wearing, happy fool throughout the afternoon. Mark and Suse were my first German friends and always give fun and exciting times. The translation lessons and easy banter are a great piece of the day. (Mark is also my main coworker and without him it can be a dreadful mess.)

and people wonder why i'm funny

Hello Darla. This is the family clinic. We are calling about the papsmear procedure that you had to endure on June 24th. You see your sample is missing. Normally the patient takes it up and drops it off of the lab specimen office after the appointment. Do you happen to have your specimen? You don't? Well normally the patient is responsible for bringing it up. You do know about that but you didn't do it? They didn't tell you to do it? The nurse girl took it? She doesn't have it. Oh dear. I have to report this. I have to report when any specimens are missing. Unfortunately we need to book you in for another appointment. We can't be too careful. It's always good to have more than one annual a year. With your husband deployed I'm sure you can appreciate the attention, even if it's in a cold sterile environment and doctor has cold hands and an upbeat attitude. Can we book you yesterday? NO? That doesn't work for you? How about tomorrow? A week from tomorrow? August 9? Ok August 9th it is. We are very sorry! You see the patient is responsible for bringing it to us. We're very sorry they only told you to get dressed and have a nice day.

Have a nice day now.