Dear Darla Diaries

hairy feet and the precious

Thank you Entert.inmentWe.kly for brightening up the 300th rainy drisly July summer day with great news: TheHobbit has a release date. As we are limited with our lovely AFN AmericanMil cable channel(s) we don't get to see any American television commercials, which includes movie trailers, unless we are in the actual theatre watching a movie. This leaves some of us addicts in the dark about things like epic-release-dates, short of constantly go.ogling/chasing RSS feeds. Let's face it, I can sometimes barely remember to pay the bills and feed the cat and dry my laundry and do the dishes and check on the MIL and mail the hubby care packages and call the states and work. Chasing down odd info like movie times aren't always the top of my game. However, I will have to admit to seeingHP7.2 twice in two weeks, but I can blame my friends for that.

Because Peter Jackson is a big fat, although currently much thinner, tease the Hobbit is actually getting split into two movies. The first will be released in December. Merry Christmas and welcome home MrD! He will return from deployment and get drug by the ear to see it. Good thing he is also an addict.

 

P.S. In case you were wondering my hobbit name is Pearl Gamwich. [Which was also my grandmother's middle name, thank you for asking.] Or thebloggerformerlyknownasDarla. 

Gamwich, ropers and ancestors of the Gammidge family.

You share your Christian name Pearl, with a Pearl (Took): (2975–?) was the eldest sister of Peregrin "Pippin" Took. She also had two sisters named Pimpernel and Pervinca. Pearl probably died sometime before the year 63 of the Fourth Age when Pippin left the Shire to live in Gondor.

[Courtesy of the awesome HobbitNameGenerator.]

I think this information is a little ironic since the kitten was dubbed Pippin in May. I suppose I should also tell Buckwheat and Alfalfa that on occasion they will also be referred to as Pimpernel and Pervinca.

one more bit about eclipse

I did it. I went and I saw Eclipse. And what a conversation piece that can be. Kristen Stewart stays true to form with her ever non-changing monotone and deadpan expressions as Bella throughout the entire piece. Taylor Lautner aka Jacob is just getting hunkier and angrier. I saw the funniest news article that described how he says its hard to get to that size and daily mantain it. It's not childsplay. Well women around the world appreciate your sacrifice dear boy. (Everyone needs a little eye candy sometimes. No judging!!) And of course the movie would not be complete without the omniprescent snarkiness of Edward (Robert Pattinson). It was mentioned in a Stars'n'Stripes review that one of the best parts of the movie is the comraderie/competitive nature that is developing between those boys. They've gotten the patter of that love triangle down to quite the witty schtick. The rest are pretty much the same. Hot bits of teasing foreplay without any fruitation ... brooding sullen red eyed vampires ... angry prepubsecent males busting out of their clothing into wolf form and the friendly vampires doing what they do. In a startling turn of events Jasper went from a awkard quite blond to a southern twangish flourscent strawberry red head. Whoever thought that was a brilliant idea wasted not only time and money but the viewers eyes as well. If anything you can see that the producers had triple the budget to produce the film from the first movie. If you were hoping for it to get a tad better and still follow the book Twihards won't be too disappointed.

On a side note, a new friend Brig and I feel that the beautiful Ashley Green (cast as Alice) would've also made a better Bella. She fits the spritely Alice to a dime, that goes without question. But if you see her as the long-haired brunette she really is you can see how she could have fit the bill from homely iwannabeavampire to BABAMB as described in Breaking Dawn. We're just saying ...

The one question we were left with in regards to the fourth film is: will they show the horriying madness and graphic nature of the pregnancy (spoiler!!) that is Bella? If you have read the books that should not be a spoiler and is a VERY valid point. We know they can make vampire sex look hot ... and the vampire brawl is a natural evolution but pregnancy and birth? This we have to see.

I would also strongly recommend a hilarious lolcatz take of the film over at popsuede. Nothing is funny than the cats and pups mouthy versions of Well Iz a Vampirez! Make me marryed!!

i love this child

My twin's oldest boy son had the awesomest revelation (yes I said AWESOMEST) about me today: Everything is going WRONG with Aunt Darla!!! Her life is going down the hole. I wish we could save her. Her dog has cancer cells. Uncle D is in Mars and her kitty keeps running away!

What an epiphany! If I saw my life how Austin does I must be a completely sordid mess! Little did the poor fella know that text from his mother made me laugh my butt off.

My dog does have cancer cells, true. The narcotics and anti-inflammatories help out a great deal. We've finally achieved the right mix to take away part of her pained limpy whine and not completely comatose her. She's also lived a long good life, which makes it a little easier to let her go. The hardest part is that since I don't have children it is feeling a bit like my first born is facing her mortality. Mr D got her as a 6 wk puppy about 6 months before we got together. She came with him. It all started

Mr D is in Mars, that is irrefutable. The nifty little un-type-pad-social counter on the left of my blog shows he's down to the last 20% of his trip. As far as separations go I think of this as not the worst thing to happen to our marriage. The first 18 months of our fertility apts just may have topped it by a hair. January is just a blink away. (Not too mention if I think of it too closely it seems like standing smack dab in the middle of the Sahara's seeking a single drop of water.)

My kitty didn't "run away." He merely found some sort of dangerous place in my house that he hadn't discovered in the last 2 years of his completely house-bound life and managed to stick his curiosity smack dab in the middle of it. And he got his curiosity stuck, thus a 3-week episode of the head cone.

P.S. if you just came a little closer Sue would give you the biggest puppy love you've ever felt and she barely  licks anyone since her short tubby tongue is the same length as her short stubby tail. She will give you her big sappy eyes and sit on you a bit!

knocked out by 'Knocked Up'

Last night I pulled a complete teenager move. With little forethought to the fact that I would be shortchanging myself of much needed sleep for a Tuesday night I agreed to a coworker at 6:30 p.m. that I would hit a 7 p.m. showing at the area movie theater. That's right, a 7 p.m. movie that wouldn't put me home until at least 10. Yeah, all you crazed people are like 'boo-hoo' but you know what, 5 a.m. comes pretty darned early on the regular 6-7 hours of sleep I might try and get each night. So stuff it in ya ear! And kudos for you and your gi-normous energy levels and metabolism. This crazed bitterness is merely jealousy at it's finest. Anyhow, the movie was Knocked Up starring a full cast of funny actors including Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Jason Segel and Jay Baruchel with cameos from Ryan Seacrest, James Franco, Steve Carell and many more.

The premise of KU is that Ben Stone (Rogen) and Alison Scott (Heigl) get pregnant or 'knocked up' after a wild and completely unplanned one night stand. Ben is a young 20s jobless lout who's biggest accomplishment in life was being ran over by a mail truck as a kid in Canada and collecting $14,000 that he had been living off of for many years. His main goal in life, before Alison, was to launch a celebrity nude movie sighting website with his ever present four best buds and roommates. The boys sleep, drink, smoke weed and generally watch movie after movie to see where, when and how long the nude tidbits are. Meanwhile, Alison couldn't be any farther of an opposite from Ben. She lives in a guest house behind her sister, brother-in-law's big family house. When not witnessing the hilariously dysfunctional couple, the self-dubbed serious version of There's Something About Raymond, she works at E! Hollywood Network as a new anchor. Unlike the partying and unruly Ben she is portrayed as a neat, fit clubgoing girl who enjoys to have fun but also to take care of herself. The main bulk of this story is how the two characters mesh while trying to get to know each other throughout the pregnancy and they grow and develop along with the baby. To quote the movie trailer it really is 'a comedy about where babies come from and how grownups are born'.

Writer and director Judd Apatow, also the producer of 40-year-old-Virgin, did an excellent job of casting and writing a hilarious funny and slightly raunchy piece. Nothing says funny like watching Heigl try and contain spontaneous morning sickness while interviewing James Franco for an E! News bit. Not only do you get to see her hold it back but you actually see her squatting around a trash can vomiting while Franco very seriously mouths off with something along the lines of 'if this is one of those Punk'd shows it's really F*d up'. It's also interesting to see her belly e-x-p-a-n-d as the movie progresses. I don't recall the last movie I've seen where not only was the bump slightly exposed but there was the stretch mark line running from belly button to waist of the pants. The birth was also extremely realistic, but looks weren't everything. Between the immature party boys, the dysfunctional couple, the extremely high strung sister and the expectant parents the energy never lets down. The plot line comes together quite nicely and has you hoping and praying that they don't screw up the ending, but if I told you that I'd ruin the whole movie.

SPOILER ALERT: There is only one drawback to the entire movie: if you don't like to see male and female nudity, hear excessive cussing or see a baby's head crowning out of a ladies vagina DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE. (Crowning. Serious. Two very real shots. Can you imagine bragging to your friends with: Did you see that crowning seen on KU? That was SO MY VAGINA!) Fans of 40-year-old-Virgin won't even be shocked by seeing Marshall from "How I Met Your Mother" buck naked with his hand covering his genitalia along with 8 other nude or semi nude cast mates standing on the street after a smallish earthquake . Don't say I didn't warn you.

For plot line, subject matter, reality portrayal and hilarity I would rate this movie a huge thumbs up! If I was rating based on the excessive cursing, nudity and graphic birthing nature it would have to be closer to two thumbs down or possibly one up and one down. Overall I loved the movie and laughed so hard I sprayed cola out of my nostrils, more than once, and peed my pants in my seat, but would not recommend it to all.

hey dumb dumb, you look like fun, fun

Alrighty. So we are on the under-24-hour countdown for Project Eject Husband to Missouri. Don't get in a tither. I am not ignoring him to blog about it. He is in the pooper leaving me a fresh aroma to remember him by. Bet you wanted to know that huh.

— Well Jen instigated a little surprise with the BBQ we were hosting on Friday. She brought me an early birthday cake, balloons and gifts. (Along with the other attenders.) She gets major points for pulling one over on me. Since Shaun is leaving and since my birthday isn't for a few weeks I hadn't put the two together. Good for you. Sorry for the lack of enthusiasm and details about it, but my mind is entirely elsewhere.

— The Security Forces patrol on base broke my 'never pulled over on base' cherry. Relatively painful and painless all at the same time. You see when I'm driving really late at night, which I was, I tend to let my mind wander, which I did, and than I tend to not follow posted driving instructions ... completely ... fully. Ahh. Now you get the picture. Because of this little weakness I try to always drive UNDER the speed limit and OVER exaggerate all posted driving instructions ... so I won't get in trouble. Getting in trouble on base is a little different than off base. Of all the times and all the places to have this little problem it's always best to do it a few blocks shy of your house, without fully stopping at a stop sign in front of two little cars with the bubble gum lights. Yea, they saw it and yea it took BOTH of them to pull over the pajama clad girl in the innocent white car in the deserted neighborhood. After letting me stew in a agonizingly slow 5-15 minutes alone in my car, they took my info and left me wondering what kind of punishment they could dole out that would ruin the last 48 hours Shaun and I had together. (He was obliviously sleeping on the couch at home at the time.) I ended up getting "briefed" (his words not mine) to please remember to come to a C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E S-T-O-P next time. Yes of course, sir, thanks for the reminder sir. And the near heart attack. I drove, ever so painstakingly slow and careful, the last few blocks to my driveway. Where I collapsed on my bed because the lovely police officers had managed to wring any last bit of energy I had out of my already emotionally and physically depleted soul.

— Shaun and I did get to watch a fun little pick-us-up in the form of the ever so hilarious "Night at the Museum." Bill Cobb, Dick Van Dyke and Mickey Rooney coupled with Ben Stiller, Robin Williams, Owen Wilson and the rest of the star-studded cast are absolutely phenomenal. My brain's too full for a movie review so you can read this or ignore this or enjoy some of my favorite movie quotes courtesy of Mickey Rooney's character:

He looks like a weird-y
Listen up lunch box!
Do you want the job or not snack shack?
What are you crackin' wise?
I better punch you in the nose Hopscotch!

— We also overstuffed our craniums with Babel (the internationalized movie akin to the acclaimed Crash except for the fact that it's a lot slower moving and a different raw edge to it)
The Holiday (cheery chick flick), Fight Club (the blood, the gore, the twisted Tyler Deardan. Rule 1: Don't talk about Fight Club!), The Hunted (gory and hunted), Into the Blue (fast moving simple action drama) and some sitcom bits. The TV proved to be a great backdrop while playing Age of Empires II (him) and working on his ever-so-unfinished afghan (me). It's like 2.5 feet x 5 feet instead of 5x7 feet at this time. Shaun decided YESTERDAY it would be great to have before he leaves! I'll try but somehow I see myself doing a hooking marathon the week after he leaves so I can mail it to him ASAP. Yesterday's 8 hours of crocheting gave me a huge ASS cramp. The sacrifices I make!

— I think Mr. Man is pulling an Adam Sandler because he's been in that bathroom for an awfully long time. I better find a gas mask and go investigate.

brews and mutant freaks

Friday night we ventured out like big kids for a good beer, scary movie and than some early morning game time of Risk! and Taboo. We began our jaunt at the Northern Lights Brewery off Trent Ave. in Spokane. The owners are fairly smart and relocated the brewery from Airway Heights too almost on top of Gonzaga University and spitting distance from the frat row and student housing. For anyone not living near Spokane you have to realize 'Zags fans are rabid! Even with Eastern Washington State, Washington State, Spokane Falls Community and multiple tech and smaller private colleges in the area, in basketball season the airway is heavy with GO ZAGS! (This year it was a little hard to keep the excitement confined when our Oregon Ducks went a little further in the NCAA playoffs than the Zags.) Friday night the restaurant was maybe half full but the staff says come game night it's a packed house.

After reading an online review my friend A'Lonn and I were interested to see how this Spokane establishment measured up to our homegrown expectations. A'Lonn and her Vegas friends are used to the Boiler Room. It has $.75 draft nights and a great location. You can get a little sloshed than wander down the strip to enjoy yourself without having to buy overpriced drinks. In our home town of Roseburg Shaun and I enjoy the Oregon chain of McMenamin's brew and pub. They serve plenty of good dark ports for the Shaun man in all of us along with good food and a generally crowded atmosphere.

To start our experience Shaun ordered a porter, A'Lonn a pale ale and a I a blueberry creme´. Yes, a blueberry brew. I like alcohol, even beer, I just don't like it to taste like beer. Funny, hunh? Yep, at a brewery just don't like brew. Well, Shaun's tasted like old coffee grounds. (Defend it if you love it — you dark beer drinkers you!) A'Lonn's probably tasted like Bud Light, she liked it. (I didn't try it - I'll admit - but it wasn't my first pale ale to nib from someone.) I'm not much of a connousieur so the bitter flavor tends to blend together a bit. I decided to go out on a limb and get the fruity variety. I liked the fact it didn't taste like beer and actually polished off THE WHOLE PINT. If you read the pub reviews you'll find that not everyone thinks that it tastes so well. A'Lonn I think labeled it as 'weird.' I will label it 'decent.' For food we ordered scrumpious cajun chicken alfredo. Nice and creamy with a touch of spicy pizazz. The giant breaded cod in Shaun's fish and chips were decent, he thought it a bit greasy. The service was nice, quick and fairly efficient. The ambiance was smoke free, always a plus, and pretty open and airy. I'm sure we'll go back again.

After the brews and food we went and watched The Hills Have Eyes II. Now if you know me you are probably thinking WTF? I know this because I've already received numerous text messages with almost that same thought. WE WENT FOR A'LONN! A's husband recently got shipped off for a three month training out of state. Since we hung out with her boy and did things for him for a month when he was without her we figured the least we can do is go to a scary movie for her. That is huge because Shaun almost wouldn't let me see The Village until I drug out the entire plot line from my sister, rented the movie and than had to sneak it into the DVD player. It's really not his fault, it's for my own good, and for his need to get sleep more than one night a week. I just tend to have a horrific and overactive dream imagination as I've mentioned before. For some reason he doesn't want to wake up and find me with a butcher knife in my hands and stabbing the couch while screaming DIE ZOMBIE DIE!! Whatever. For the record this little bloody heinous slightly startling jem wasn't nearly as bad, gore and fright-wise, as I first imagined. Granted *movie spoiler about to start* it did begin with a very graphic birth of dark blood soaked fetus half-crawling half being ripped from between the legs of it's laborous and beaten mother. And there we a couple of scenes that were craazy: wallet lodged in the radioactive-mutated skull of bad guy AND girl twisting her fingers through the brain matter of another gorish mutated freak to get him to Let Her Go that were a little gruesome. Post the horrendouse death many carcases just resembled victims found in CSI, Criminal Minds. It was also a good thing most of the scary people looked like a combination of Sloth from Goonies and Tolkien's orcs. I think I jumped the farthest when bats flew out of a cave because I was STARTLED and only covered my eyes about three times because I didn't want to see the actual impact of a boulder slammed repetitively into someones squishy pulpy face. Let's just say though it doesn't measure up to 90% of the movies we've seen lately it was a tad more entertaining than the three hours of dancing penguin in Happy Feet. (That movie would've been so much better about 30 minutes shorter!))

The entire movie can be summed up in this IMDb quote: "A group of National Guard trainees find themselves battling against a vicious group of mutants on their last day of training in the desert."

After the movie we went back and playing Risk and Taboo at A's house. Risk was all fun and games until Shaun got butt hurt because I am a little competitive, irregardless of the hour and quantity I've had to drink. And I may have been taunting him with things like, Jow long DOES it take to move all your little men around the board? Do you need a chess timer so the rest of us can play? Hey A'Lonn and Bruce if we can just demolish Shaun we can call it a game! Why are you crying and where have all your armies gone?  We finally stopped the game for time and attempted to play some Taboo. At 2 a.m. the reality of our, or at least my age, seemed to kick in when I almost passed out in the car driving across base. That's like a whopping two miles.

THE RATINGS OF THE NIGHT:
Overall Movie rating: D+. I wouldn't want children under 15 anywhere near it.
Movie gore rating: B+. I hear the first Hills Have Eyes is a tad better
Food taste rating: Alfredo: A.     Fish & chips: B
Food cost rating: A little high for a brewery that sells $2.50 pints.
Beer rating: A- (per Shaun since I've already established the fact that I don't tend to drink it and therefore cannot call myself an "expert.)