Dear Darla Diaries

801st post: take three

I have drafted this post three times.

Each time was getting wittier and wittier.

And each time the computer spontaneously shut down mid type without warning or autosave.

Now I'm not sure what to to say.

The former posts were this in a nutshell:

Still no satellite television. In an a make-believe world the DirtBoys will return today and fix it for a final time today. We may have the ability to watch American television (or the AFN version) returned to us after 3 weeks without. This will be the 6th attempt, 3rd satellite and 7th repair attempt while we are counting.

The MIL and I are in high doubts. We have resigned ourselves to watching Stargate SG-1 in sequential order from Seasons 1 to 10. By Season 4 I will probably be over it and she will probably be so addicted that her WoW friends will forget her account name and her Elite status. Hopefully it also helps her pull through her nicotine withdrawals.

Our priority ranking to have the repairs done in their eyes is somewhere between dishes and laundry and definitely at the bottom of their list, regardless of what they say. Oh the joys of being a deployed spouse who finally actually requests help and instead discovers it's like asking a toddler to recite a successful rocket science equation. No dice.

I would cross link all the recent failures for the 3rd time but I'm in doubt this post will actually post and don't want to jinx my luck.

So it's off to do some more shopping. Blessed Ramadan is allowing our soldiers, airman and the like a health break for August. They need more than a month but we'll take what we can get.  

a little medieval fest style

Went with the girls (Heather and Jessica and kids) to the Medieval Fest this past weekend at the Freisen Natur Wildpark. (Thanks for the photo borrow Heather!)

With the exception of the steep entrance fee couldn't have asked for a better place to spend some time!

All sorts of 'period' people, places and things.

Sadly most of my 'crowd' shots are on video, along with my WeWillRockYou song in German! (Knight's Tale anyone, besides me and Jess?!) I'll post a Vimeo link as soon as I take the time to upload.

I did however get what should be my father-in-law's new porch accessory!

I love that the frau dressed her kinder in costume!

Interesting story about my friend here. I was walking by and made a random comment about the gauntlets on his table. He started chattering boisterous German at me, ran around his table and beartackledhugged me as if I were his long lost kin! Naturally I couldn't pass up such a fun photo op after all that sweet love! Heather jokingly referred to him as my Hubby's temp replacement! It was nice to know that I had just enough meat on the bones to be the perfect shape for serving wench!

Heather got her dues when she jokingly stuck herself and Masami in this fun 'cage.' I thought it hilarious when we later translated Kinderbetreuung to mean Child Care. I would SO stick my children in a cage like that while I enjoyed meat-on-a-stick.(My imaginary children that is.) Hopefully Jess posts a photo of the enormous roll-on-a-stick they were all gnawing on.

I did of course pull the fun adoptiveauntiefriend card. I got the children awesome wood period-piece whistles! They blew and blew and blew on those things! Love the fact that outdoor fests are the perfect environment for such items! Sadly their parents were probably not as appreciative in the home! I love you guys!

versatile blogger she says

Thank you Angel for a very sweet Blog Award. I feel very humbled and appreciate the gesture! I will mull over all the many people I stalk (and I'd feel lucky if they know I exist) and continue on the blogging awarding in a future post.

Of course, the way all blog awards work is that you thank the award-giver (or givers if there are more than one) and link back to them in your post. Then you tell your readers seven things (or 5 or 10 or 15 things, depending on the meme) about yourself. The last step is to give this award to other bloggers, and contact those bloggers and let them know about it.

10, 10 or 15 things to meme. Hmm. Angel is so good at the stumpage! Let's see what I can come up with:

Let's start with an easy one. I have a little fear of the dark, that is only a little exaggerated with my baby away. The first 8 weeks I slept with a lamp on in our bedroom, across the room at the foot of my bed. It helped calm down the fears that popped up their ugly heads when tree limbs moved, clouds floated by or lightning strikes the house. I have finally graduated to only the soft dull glow of my cracked macbook. Three cheers for me! Must remember to watch less scary shows at night, like Winnie the Pooh or The Ring.

Numero Dos. I have slight OCD issues. Certain things need to be in certain orders. I will unconsciously straighten the silverware at a diner, the alignment of my desk accessories or where I get to sit on a couch. I have slowly tried to adjustment to certain quirks so as not too offend or irritate others but there's only so much I can do. Some twitches will always be twitches.

Three. Sometimes I can be a very cranky person. My irritation tolerance can be a hair under nuclear in an unexpected blink of an eye. The cat's hyperactive toddlerness can make me want to throttle him. The way Hubby eats his food or gulps his water can have me using every ounce of self control to keep me from throttling him. Sometimes the volume of the television, one text too many, the sound of the alarm clock or extra whir in the bedroom fan can cause me to want to elicit bloodcurdling screams. Instead I grind my teeth, count to ten, sometimes twice and try to go to my zen spot. It is noones fault but my own and I'm sure perhaps a chemical imbalance or two.

Four. I adore chocolate coconut candy bars. Specifically AlmondsJoys and Mounds with the occasional YorkPeppermintPatty. The coconut and nuts with just a hint of chocolate can calm my frazzled nerves on a crazy day. As a general rule I can't do the majority of chocolate bars because they literally give me an instance headache. It's a bit of a food allergy that I've learned to adjust too. Lucky for me I can hand-over-fist double-chocolate brownies to my hearts content. Just throw in a tall glass of milk and occasional slice of cheese to offset the sugar overload and I'm good to go.

Five. I too am a hoarder. I'm not a fullon bringinthecrazy truck packrat. (Thank goodness for OCD tendencies that require certain areas to be tidyfree (my bedroom, frontroom and masterbath.) I do however have my clutter rooms that I just keep toting from move-to-move because I'm sure that extra box of crayons, paperclips, wrist wraps, scrap greeting card and garden twine can be used for SOMETHING! And I won't part with my childhood mementos (I will eventually stop procrastinating and make a memory box) or my three favorite dolls as a child! I also must keep all the weird hats hubby has collected over the years. Just. In. Case. In case what? He goes bald overnight? I don't know but what if he HATES me for throwing it out without asking?!?

Six: When I'm on a blogging role I will type until I'm cross eyed. Like tonight when the letters are starting to get eyecrossed. /sigh. I guess I'll stop with five.

Angel: Thanks for the meme! We are very alike my friend!

Alfie: Pony up and type it TWIN. I'm sure there has to be something for me to learn. What? No my symbiotic nature should allow me to know it before you type it! P.S. Putting my adorable grownup nephews on your blog does not allow you a grace period either!

 

it always comes back to this

Parents have the most interesting ways of giving you perspective. I was talking to my Dad recently, even though it had nothing to do with the prior post, and he had a way of inserting dad wisdom as parents often do. So bear with me while I clarify.

I am very thankful for our life. I'm very thankful for my husband's job in the military. I'm very thankful that my husband's jobs pay for the roof over our heads, clothes on our back, food in our stomachs and the ability to take care of his mother. I'm very thankful that his job has offered me the opportunity to have my job. I'm very thankful my job allows me to work hand-in-hand with the wounded warriors that come through the hospital daily and I can give them a little piece of encouragement in a really horrible situation. I'm very thankful that this unique opportunity has allowed us to live all over the worlds (so far just Washington state and Europe), experience new places and meet new people and great friends that we would never have seen working in the lumber mill in our home state. And most of the old millworkers are in the unemployment line.

I know that we have so many things that many don't have and for all of that I'm greatful. If the sacrifice we have to make is separation on a regular basis than so be it. I know I should pull on my boot straps and buck up, and I will, but sometimes I'm allowed a moment. And sometimes I forget how to wallow in the bottom of the bathtub like the other kids and I want to SCREAM IT TO THE WORLD.

So today I thank you for your support and I'll try reading these sites and not just googling them:

StripesMilitaryMom (because even chillenless wives could use some support.)

MilitarySpouseOfTheYear (when did they get so young? we can be young and strong!)

SpouseBuzz: Deployments (so many links so few hours. I am a little surprised to see my interested peeked at the first few bits: care packages, communication, pillow talk and survival.)

WittyLittleSecrets: she hit the nail on the head!

My favorite Sara does a hilarious PCS bit that describes my desire to pack all our excessive stuff into plastic totes and finally be rid of all cardboard boxes! (No we are not moving but I love to be prepared and organized!)

MilitarySoS: Spouse supporting the spouse.

 

starting the 3rd month

Second round of deployment and starting the third month. Some days when I feel lonely I have to remember it's not like this anymore. We have wi-fi and satphones and they had snailmail and carrier pidgeon. We have Skype and they had barely legible handwriting. We have global support groups and they only had each other. They were STRONG and sometimes I feel so weak.

Somehow this book got lost in translation between the generation, however at times I think my Boy forgets it that the only rules I was taught were in regards to Respect, Adultery and Murder. (Do. Don't. Don't. In case you were wondering.) My mother showed me many examples of how to be a GREAT wife but as I am a rebellious nonconformist girl it is hard to remember them.

We rarely talk compared to some of my friends who have lengthy conversations multiple times a day. Between us is a line of text or two a day and maybe a conversation of depth every other week. I have it in my mind that he hears the litany of blah, blah, dishes, blah, blah, pet. I want him to hear my story, tell me I'm cute and want to live a little vicariously through me. Not expect me to pick up another 165% of his socializing and energy with 50% of the manpower. Man down! Man down!

With the remaining -0.25% of my energy he really wants this. I have a few pieces stacked against me, but nothing some dieting, cosmetic surgery and exercise can't fix. Pardon me my kitten is lay across the remote and blocking my access to the salsa bowl. I can't run and drink at the same time, I might spill the vodka! But I LOVE you Babe!

Of course not, but the mac'n'cheese is a bit seared, the cake is toast and our German oven is aa complex roboticlike creature with heirogylphics for instructions. Even my German friends are confused over the contraption in my kitchen! We may perfect the art of caking baking before he returns.
At the end of the night when I'm cuddled around my cat I just want my dirty warm husband to curl up into me and keep me company. I don't care if he's playing @ngry!b1rds or looking at the moon but I want an arm wrapped around me and a kiss on the cheek. To share my pain in my personnel bubble, not living at arms length unable to support, aid or assist.

Word of advice to all your husbands/partners out there: If you take care of the little things the big things will take care of themselves. If you go out your way on a daily basis to show us you love us in the little ways, we can take mountains in stride. The big things scare us no more than an ant. If you forget the little things, traffic bumps look like Mount Everest and we quake in terror over kittens. If faced between having to do it and choosing to do it sometimes it's cool to let our knight in shining armor fend for our honor.

P.S. It's not all bad.

why so blue Herr Blau?

I picked myself up the puurfect man at the Open flohmarkt for a whopping 5euro. (That's approximately $7.50 for you outoftowners. He doesn't mouth off although he has quite the opinion. He even insisted we color coordinate for his photo debut on ye olde' blog.

Suse wanted to give him some sweet sweet love. Sadly Herr Blau is a bit of a prig and insisted on air kiss only. She tucked him right into her purse and muffled all his complaining.

All buckled up for safety. He didn't want to fall out during one of the crazy traffic circles that pop up every other street in most of our villages. I was curious to see what an airbag would do to his complexion.

Mark says he won't be replaced by no blue man. Suse is all his! He challenged Herr Blau to a rock-paper-scissors-lizard-spock competition. Watch out Mister Blue he throws spock every roll!

two hillbillies and a youtube video

Success can come in the most unexpected ways for instance a pieceofshit bricked iphone and a BFF'S 15-year-old stepson.

James volunteered his time to come over and hopefully unbrick my $300 gently used purchase to replace the deadspeckled screen on my formerly primary phone. After a good chunk of time and devouring some pizza and drPepper he confirmed what I already knew: the phone had already kicked the bucket and was merely holding on to the edges of life to piss me the frack off. She was surely and solidly bricked like a cockroach in the oil slicked crack of a back alley diner. She was not giving up the hill.

We came up with a ridiculous scheme. If one was bricked but had working pieces and the other had broken pieces but wasn't bricked why not swap them out. Couldn't be too hard could it? The last guy I paid $100 to do the same work had put me in the position of the dead-spot screen to begin with.

After trolling a few videos and howto's and a run to the local hardware store we had all the pieces: itty-bitty screwdrivers, tweezers, new and old phones, old suction cup from a refrigerator magnet from 2001 (take THAT technology!) and a clean surface.

A few fumbles and tada's later and we had the entire top pieces switched. Total time for the fumbling? 10 minutes tops! And wooooosh works like a charm. Who would've thunk I could've just paid for a bricked phone (like $100 tops) and swapped out the pieces? Learning through experience sucks ass I think.

 

Next goal? Fixing the damn satellite. The neighbor merely gave us his pieces. Two of the boy's coworkers came by today for more grumbling and moaning and a game plan. Perhaps on Monday they will have some coworkers manufacture a mounting plate and we could have success next week.

I'm not holding my breath.

This is James, as written in the photo. His superhero name is iFixYourPoSiFone. Motto: Tech help is overrated. And people pay techs at BestBuy to fix what their teenager neighbor could probably fix for free and cheap.

pass me a liter because a pint ain't gonna cut it

Dear old iPhne.

You win. I was pwned. Today your dead spots spread like the plague and I didn't have a choice but too spend $300 on someones gently used 3GS to replace you. Sadly I didn't have the forethought to ask for the password to restore the thing not just use it as it was in the jailbroken status. I was so ecstatic that all the swooshing, wooshing, spinning and tapping worked that I gave him his cash and merrily went on my way.

Fick dish iPhne.
D

 

Dear new iPhne.

Listen up you little redheaded stepbastard. We need to come to an understanding. Me having to hack a world of unknown software like fixrecovery, tinyumbrella and cydia [wtf is cydia?!?] isn't to my liking.

I had a massage after work today phone. I was looking forward to a nice hot soothing bath and cuddle with my book. That hasn't happened.

If I can't break the 'jailbroke - phone is in recovery mode - phone has errors and can't be recovered mode' in the next 30.5 seconds, as I have been goo.gling my somewhat confused brain out for the past few minutes, I might contemplating chugging from the vodka bottle and bypass the shot glasses entirely.

Phone you owe the MIL an apology and the Mom too. I called thinking I could multitask and I was WRONG. If the Boy wasn't FBing from the desert he would've hidden in our room or with the MIL in her room. Death to all and any who talk to me until this is resolved. Sleep be damned because the FormerPhone is now nearly dead and I am out of options.

Fick dish new phone. I won't beg, I'll DEMAND.

I apologize. Please stop being a punk and play nice. Please? PLEASE!!!
D

 

P.S. For any thinking $300 is extreme for a gently used phone and hasn't experienced the joy of the German cell phone system do a little www searching before you call me out. Complicated doesn't even begin to cover it.

what a tool: part 3, almost 4

or titled: satellite attempt #ohbloodyhelliwanttogiveupalready

It's getting ugly around these parts. The drama around the 'EASY' satellite adjustment is getting really deep. After the first and second attempts my coworker decided to toss his hat into the ring. I was impressed to learn that my favorite GermanAmerican can redneck with the best of them.

Mark started the project the same way Nate and Anthony had. First you turn on the menu screen and ensure the girl readjusted all the channels/frequencies/etc properly. (Yep.) Than go up and start fiddling with angles/heights. Another 30 minutes of the strongerstrongstrongerweakerWEAKERWEAKER litany ensued. He discussed the same quandary faced by the previous helper: the satellite arm wasn't long enough for the dish to have clearance past the Plexiglas privacy panel on the porch. Not to be outdone by previous helpers Mark dismantled the two holders to make one superduper device. Sadly it too didn't quite work. If it did we going to name it and label it a Feat of Strength! He was a strip of duct tape, zip tie and superglue bit away from hillbilly.

Enter Sandman, or rather the other neighbor Gary. He caught up with me looking at the mess tonight with a $39.99 L shaped piece of pipe I picked up in hopes of a possibly, finally sucessful mounting bar. 'Oh Darla that isn't necessary. You take that back to the store and refund you money,' he says. (Well what will I do than? I wonder.) 'You can have my extra satellite and bracket. It should work for you. Yep I'll take it down tomorrow night and bring it over for you. Don't need to be going to all that trouble.' How can I argue with the nice older gentleman who took care of the MIL while we were stateside the month of April?

So we shall see if the 4th attempt is the charm. The 3rd satelitte and device. The umpteenth hour of repair. And I'd say my last nerve but at this point having our only 6 American TV channels to watch almost seems like a faint memory. Eventually we'll either run out of money from buying new shows or memorize all the old stuff. I'd say we are overachievers but I prefer not be labeled so idly.