Dear Darla Diaries

brilliant idea: treadmill singing video!

 

Thanks James for the linkfix!

[insert appropriate title]

that's my pippin!

clumsymuch?

The things I managed to drop Thursday, in no conclusive order:

my iphone
my work cell phone
my work binder
2 pens
a quarter
a scoop of icecream down the front of my shirt when handed to me on a sugar cone from the BaskinRobbins lady
a few bad comments
a bit of salsa
a two book(s)
a laundry basket
the kitty (but that was more of a gentle toss really)
a sock

It was just one of those days.

 

hairy feet and the precious

Thank you Entert.inmentWe.kly for brightening up the 300th rainy drisly July summer day with great news: TheHobbit has a release date. As we are limited with our lovely AFN AmericanMil cable channel(s) we don't get to see any American television commercials, which includes movie trailers, unless we are in the actual theatre watching a movie. This leaves some of us addicts in the dark about things like epic-release-dates, short of constantly go.ogling/chasing RSS feeds. Let's face it, I can sometimes barely remember to pay the bills and feed the cat and dry my laundry and do the dishes and check on the MIL and mail the hubby care packages and call the states and work. Chasing down odd info like movie times aren't always the top of my game. However, I will have to admit to seeingHP7.2 twice in two weeks, but I can blame my friends for that.

Because Peter Jackson is a big fat, although currently much thinner, tease the Hobbit is actually getting split into two movies. The first will be released in December. Merry Christmas and welcome home MrD! He will return from deployment and get drug by the ear to see it. Good thing he is also an addict.

 

P.S. In case you were wondering my hobbit name is Pearl Gamwich. [Which was also my grandmother's middle name, thank you for asking.] Or thebloggerformerlyknownasDarla. 

Gamwich, ropers and ancestors of the Gammidge family.

You share your Christian name Pearl, with a Pearl (Took): (2975–?) was the eldest sister of Peregrin "Pippin" Took. She also had two sisters named Pimpernel and Pervinca. Pearl probably died sometime before the year 63 of the Fourth Age when Pippin left the Shire to live in Gondor.

[Courtesy of the awesome HobbitNameGenerator.]

I think this information is a little ironic since the kitten was dubbed Pippin in May. I suppose I should also tell Buckwheat and Alfalfa that on occasion they will also be referred to as Pimpernel and Pervinca.

beautiful. heart rending. breathtaking.

Thank you JessicaDukes the brilliant bloggess at MorrisonLane for my newest and most addictive blog finds: 1) her and 2) NIENIE.

For those of you who haven't had the visual pleasure, first off stumble over to Morrison Lane. Her photography is breathtaking and her pieces are witty and covered in baby gooeyness and are great for that quick taste of a pickmeup. I myself am often covered in snarky sarcasm with a pill of whatsupwithyou? or two. And I won't lie, I love my besties for that same general principle. My twitter feeds follow a stream of random nonsense and Iatekittensandtheytasteyummy bits. But that is all neither here nor there and if you like a bit of Mary Poppins with a dash of Audrey Hepburn and Lucille Ball, she is your girl. Sometimes our snarkiness needs covered in sunflowers, poppies and cuteness.

Second off, go grab a box of tissues. You will need them when you go to my next HIGHLY RECOMMENDED site. The NieNie Dialogues. At first glance you'll see a cute Americana-esque feel with tatted lace, flags, wallpapers and loveliness with a faint religious undertone. Than you look a little deeper.

The author, Mrs Stephanie Aurora Clark Nielson's bio reads as follows:

I am: Returning from a near-fatal airplane crash, burned 80% of my body, and will have surgeries for the rest of my life. Probably. But I am alive. I cherish Mr. Nielson, Claire, Jane, Oliver, and Nicholas.

Her blog is a beautifully written story. She pours out her heart and soul in her day-to-day life that involves her passel of children, her husband and the struggles of her burn recovery supported by her all consuming faith. I highly recommend going, reading, staying and becoming a follower. To paraphrase another follower of hers [whom for the life of me I can't find as a reference]: when you start wanting to whine about having a 'hard day' you have to put things in perspective. Many of us won't go through a tenth of what NieNie has had to go through and yet we will blog as if our world has imploded and we've lost it all, often over something as minor as a stomach flu, bad cramps or deployments.

I hope I can develop NieNie's attitude. She has the embodiment of Love and God that I was raised with and hope to be able to express as wordlessly, through my actions, as she does.

 

a little sunlight amidst the fog

How do spouses handle deployment? It is a question often asked from civilians, nonmilitary and even other spouses. Well there are many steps, tics and habits we develop. For this post I will let you in on a little secret ... you ready for it? How about now? Ok: We stay busy! And we rely heavily on our friends to keep us in this state! Today was a phenomenal example of that.

The first part of the day was the satellite adjustment debacle. That marked the first set of friends I got too lean on: The neighbors. Nate, Louise, Krista, Kara and Ellie are part of my daily hijinks. Usually I bump into them in completely unplanned ways ... like when I see clouds of soap bubbles drifting over the back fence and I go out to investigate. It's like a faerie world ... dimples, giggles and skirts. Louise and I may banter over the fence or Nate may toss out a hail Hello! through the kitchen window when I get out of my car after a long day. Lovely people. They are a prime example of a loving, messy, God filled family. Just by being them is a blessing into itself.

The middle part of the day was filled with the MIL, Mark and Suse! For Suse's belated birthday we went to see HP7.2 and drug Mah (the MIL) out of her housesitting duties to do so. She may have not been feeling good when she was forced into the car but she was a popcorn stuffing, 3D glass wearing, happy fool throughout the afternoon. Mark and Suse were my first German friends and always give fun and exciting times. The translation lessons and easy banter are a great piece of the day. (Mark is also my main coworker and without him it can be a dreadful mess.)

what a tool

Dear OverseasMilitarySatellite System.

I think we've come to a misunderstanding. I believe you have lied on your website. We were all instructed to do a slight satellite adjustment before 31Jul if we didn't want to lose our signals. Your commercials give the false pretenses that my 4, 6 and 7 year-old neighbor girls could do it. They tried. And failed.

In all fairness they weren't actually doing it. Do you think I regularly give small children screwdrivers and satellite cables than leave them barefoot on my balcony in the rain? I think not! I require they wear a tall foil antennae hat first. As if! Lightning safety always comes first.

So this satellite ADJUSTMENT. I think the word deserves all caps because it is as difficult as capturing a two-horned unicorn and c'mon we all know those are ridiculously hard to find. It's a very complicated breeding process and I can't go into the likes of it on my blog. As previously mentioned there are CHILDREN present!

The stupid adjustment. The step-by-step .pdf guide showed a quick and easy 30 sec correction in the menu screen on the tv screen. But there wasn't where the fun ended. No, next was the joy of carefully adjusting the pole holding the base 2mm to the left to actually capture the signal. The elusive two-horned signal. [insert deep pent up frustrated breath]

Lucky for me the satellite is located on the MILs balcony.

And she is currently house-sitting across town.

And the satellite receiver, that will show any success of the damn adjustment, is located by that big shiny glassy door on the 1st floor.

At first I would adjust it a hair, carefully open and shut the door to keep kitty in, run downstairs carefully, look at the tv, run back upstairs [less] carefully and repeat. No luck.

After the 12th or so trip I started standing on a lawn chair and using the broom handle to try and nudge the satelitte into position. No luck.

After another futile 20 minutes or so I disturbed the neighbors and let the kids entertain kitty while I tried adjusting without having to run up and down the stairs. No luck.

We invited their Dad over to join the party. No luck.

I eventually bade them good day and thanked them for their time.

After returning to your useless website I discovered the magical words. The lie if you will. 'Video assistance'. I clicked on your links and dug through your site. NO VIDEO TIPS. Just the same sad useless .pdf file I already possess.

I give up. You win. I will contact the help desk on Monday after perhaps roping my friends teenage stepson over for one last attempt at help.

 

P.S. Maybe if these guys came door-to-door for assistance it would've been successful the first time(s).

Currentlynotinanymoodtobethebestregardofanything,
Darla

a knotty good time

[overheard on a streetcorner]
pose off. i win.
that's so not cool dude. the sun was totally in my eyes.

[dear random german clothing store:] thank you for enlightening me. for so long i was selecting my underwear based on how they looked on my butt ...
i never realized it was all about my cankles! [xoxo D]

[dear nationwide military newspaper:] i have two words for you in regards to your POOR choice of cover art: EPIC.FAIL. no seriously. words cannot describe the shock, awe and horror heard by numerous voices crossing the nurses station at my job. [anonymous.]

pippin. i can't describe your adorable SOOC cuteness. no photostop required.

although normally not so overpriced, german mixers [alcohol and alcoholfree] are ridiculously good. i appreciate those cold tingly bits after a long aching day. i also appreciate p90x, sweating, giggling, my husbands snuggling overhot and long absent cuddling body, gooey macaraoni-n-cheese, fresh chewy brownies, sweet tea, a good paperback and kittenkisses.

[woole]. thank you for placing your little nook of a yarn mecca smack down in the middle of my walking path. fondling your wooly goodness and the availability to access 1e bright bits brought a smile to my face and a treat to my pocket. [xoxo D]

 

 

 

and people wonder why i'm funny

Hello Darla. This is the family clinic. We are calling about the papsmear procedure that you had to endure on June 24th. You see your sample is missing. Normally the patient takes it up and drops it off of the lab specimen office after the appointment. Do you happen to have your specimen? You don't? Well normally the patient is responsible for bringing it up. You do know about that but you didn't do it? They didn't tell you to do it? The nurse girl took it? She doesn't have it. Oh dear. I have to report this. I have to report when any specimens are missing. Unfortunately we need to book you in for another appointment. We can't be too careful. It's always good to have more than one annual a year. With your husband deployed I'm sure you can appreciate the attention, even if it's in a cold sterile environment and doctor has cold hands and an upbeat attitude. Can we book you yesterday? NO? That doesn't work for you? How about tomorrow? A week from tomorrow? August 9? Ok August 9th it is. We are very sorry! You see the patient is responsible for bringing it to us. We're very sorry they only told you to get dressed and have a nice day.

Have a nice day now.

the kind that i am

 

There is an old email adage about friendship that sings along the lines of ‘If you smile, I smile. If you laugh, I’ll laugh. If you cry, I’ll cry.”  I have just a little funny take on that …

If you are having a good day I am having a great day.

If you are having a bad day I’m having a very morose day.

If you are laughing I’ve already wet my pants.

If you are singing I’m harmonizing right alongside you and just as off key.

If you are having an  anxious day, I’m digging through the medicine cabinet looking for your special pills.

If you are having suicidal tendencies I will be hiding all the ropes, sharp objects and swallowable items within your reach.

If you look at a ledge I will taser you, for your own safety, and protectively lock you into the special white jacket I had custom designed for you.

If you throw a party I’ll bring the DJ,  mixed beverages and passel of trouble makers to keep it hopping. I’m not sure where to find a DJ as I never go to nightclubs, bars or fancyschmancy places but for you I’ll move the moon. I’ll also review MTV videos to figure out what hoping is. Perhaps the Kardashians can give us tips.

If you are having issues with your screaming, whining, overactive, sugar driven offspring I’ll make sure and book a child-free spa day for relaxation purposes. I’ll also hire Vin Diesel to babysit them like on that Nanny movie.

If you have coworkers with attitude problems and you call me I’ll come over and play The Fixer and remind them of the efficiency of Anger Management. Perhaps I’ll contact Jack Nicholson for some tips.

If you need help in the kitchen I’ll find Gordon Ramsey to firmly encourage you in all things culinary.

If you can’t work your lawnmower I’ll blackmail the neighbor kid into doing it for you.

If you have those days when you are so homesick you want to move your entire family into your apartment complex I will find all of Jason Bourne's cohorts to smuggle them over in the light of the moon.

Always remember that you can't lose me. I can often be found at the edge of your peripheral vision, in the dark shadow of your closet, hugging the box springs under the bed, singing 'Soft Kitty' to your feline, changing your tv channels while you are watching and least expect it, in the spare tire cubby in the trunk of your car and nibbling the stale cookies under your desk.