Dear Darla Diaries

on the 10th day of christmas ... a cookie recipe

God Bless my baby sister for finding me this lovely recipe this holiday season ...

    Jo.se C.uervo Christmas Cookies

                                                
    1 cup of flour
    1 tsp baking soda
    1 cup of sugar
    1 tsp salt
    1 cup or brown sugar
    4 large eggs
    1 cup nuts
    2 cups of dried fruit
    1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

    Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,
    Check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
    Pour one level cup and drink.

    Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter
    In a large fluffy bowl.

    Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point
    it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another
    Cup just in case.

    Turn off the mixerer thingy.

    Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
    Of dried fruit.

    Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

    Mix on the turner.

    If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry
    It loose with a drewscriver.

    Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

    Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves
    A sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

    Add one table.

    Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
    Find.

    Greash the oven.

    Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
    Over.

    Don't forget to beat off the turner.

    Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
    Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
    Cherry Mistmas !

  

sprechen sie deutsch?

A little after seven in the morning last Monday my mother-in-law found me in the shower suds and soap everywhere.

She thrusts her hand past the curtain and waved the phone in my direction. Want to talk to your baby?

Ah sure, I replied, slightly startled for his out of character pre-work call.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch? he asks.

Wha?

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

no.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

No.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

NO. [Dude really don't understand, not very awake and can't see for jack.]

Well baby, you better learn ... cause we're moving to Germany!

And to say I'm still processing all the details of our late spring move, while he hasn't returned from Mars, is quite the understatement. So many details and so many Christmas presents to wrap in the meantime. ... things to pack, not pack, pet, sort, get rid of ... talk too, blog, ignore ... my baby also followed that conversation by mass emailing the family. I've tried to phone call as many as possible for damage control. If you are finding out through my blog of FB I'm very sorry and do love you!

more luv from Alfalfa

7:22pm Sat, Dec 12
Dear Darla. U make a good sounding board.
Spank muchly.
The Alfinator

7:25pm
My Dearest Darlas. Dont b alarmd when.
You cant get out of the closet.
The hole in the door is for the food.
With All My Love.
ALFALFA

7:27pm
Im gonna punch my name in your face Darla.
A tattoo of my love.
To ware off the others.
Alfalfa

7:37pm
Darloopie
It takes 5 lifetimes to find a friend like u.
Since i cant kill 5 people, ive decidd to carry u in mypocket @ all times.
Ur collar will arrive tmrw.
Alfie

Some have tw.i.tter. Some have fac.e.book. Some have celeb bl.o.gs. I have my own personal txt msg stalker. My twin. You should be so lucky.

a piece of my heritage

My dad shot this photo at some sort of museum in St. Louis. I just stumbled onto it. It provoked de ju vu from my history. This snapshot is a repeating glimpse of my youth, my history, my heritage. Sunday afternoon's on my grandma's porch house. Fall evenings at our numerous single wide trailers. Gaggles of teenagers after football games and the awkwardness of first love and romance. This is the country song of my life. This is where I was born and where I will eventually reside again.

cele.b.rity face time

Our boys got a little visit in Mars by K.id R.ock ...look Mr D is actually bigger than the b.ad a.ss rapper!

J.ess.e J.ames (chick country singer not motorcycle enthusiast phenom) ... who actually could fit in his pocket!

And the not pictured Carlos Mencia.   

What a cool gift for the boys ... and photos to make me giggle.

i love this child

My twin's oldest boy son had the awesomest revelation (yes I said AWESOMEST) about me today: Everything is going WRONG with Aunt Darla!!! Her life is going down the hole. I wish we could save her. Her dog has cancer cells. Uncle D is in Mars and her kitty keeps running away!

What an epiphany! If I saw my life how Austin does I must be a completely sordid mess! Little did the poor fella know that text from his mother made me laugh my butt off.

My dog does have cancer cells, true. The narcotics and anti-inflammatories help out a great deal. We've finally achieved the right mix to take away part of her pained limpy whine and not completely comatose her. She's also lived a long good life, which makes it a little easier to let her go. The hardest part is that since I don't have children it is feeling a bit like my first born is facing her mortality. Mr D got her as a 6 wk puppy about 6 months before we got together. She came with him. It all started

Mr D is in Mars, that is irrefutable. The nifty little un-type-pad-social counter on the left of my blog shows he's down to the last 20% of his trip. As far as separations go I think of this as not the worst thing to happen to our marriage. The first 18 months of our fertility apts just may have topped it by a hair. January is just a blink away. (Not too mention if I think of it too closely it seems like standing smack dab in the middle of the Sahara's seeking a single drop of water.)

My kitty didn't "run away." He merely found some sort of dangerous place in my house that he hadn't discovered in the last 2 years of his completely house-bound life and managed to stick his curiosity smack dab in the middle of it. And he got his curiosity stuck, thus a 3-week episode of the head cone.

P.S. if you just came a little closer Sue would give you the biggest puppy love you've ever felt and she barely  licks anyone since her short tubby tongue is the same length as her short stubby tail. She will give you her big sappy eyes and sit on you a bit!