Let me share a secret with you that every military spouse knows in some way, shape or form: You have to learn to adapt to spousal separations if you want to make it through the other side in mostly the same shape you began with.
The following are a few tricks that I've had use to cope during the last 6 months of my husband deployment, granted he was at a fairly safe location, but he has been completely out of the country nonetheless.
Ignore It. Ignore the empty space in bed next to you when your inclination is to lay wide eyed and lonely at night. Ignore the fact you are cooking for one instead of the normal two or less one if you cook for a family. Ignore the fact that you are watching a movie for one. Flat out ignore the fact that he/she will be gone for 6 months and just take it one day/night/week/month at a time. Function as if your spouse is a pen pal, granted a highly committed pen pal with benefits, but a pen pal. They love/support/desire you but have absolutely no ability to flit home when you are having a bad day.
Stay committed. Don't replace your spouse with close friends of the opposite sex. The moment you start confiding in a replacement or making a best friend of the opposite sex you often start slowly replacing your spouse. It won't be the same. It won't be something you can instantly undo. It won't be attention you can easily transfer from that person back to your spouse when they return. Remember bad habits are extremely easy to start and hard as hell to stop. So if you can write/email/txt your spouse do so. It doesn't always have to be heavy or complicated but keep it regular and consistent. They need to be reminded that you haven't forgotten them as much as you need to remind yourself that they do care and are interested in you day-to-day life.
Stay busy. Keep your calendar full. It's harder to focus on the empty spots when you are juggling work, family visits and weekend trips away. If you don't have a job, get one. If you don't want/need a job volunteer outside of your house/base/local circle. Get a pet. Get a hobby. If you can't sleep, than crochet/knit/do crosstitch/cards/MMO's ... whatever you need to do to keep your hands and hopefully minds sidetracked and on the ignore option. The more you hermit the easier you will find it to self cannibalize and that island isn't the pretty rabbit hole anyone wants to play in and stay sane for any length of time.
Create a support network. Make a lifeline of your close friends/family regardless if they are local or not. Touch base frequently and regularly. Confide in one or two of them about the worst moments you see happening. Admit that if they haven't heard from you in over a day/week/month to be concerned. When you are curled up in a fetal position in the darkest corner of the closet you have to seek help. It may be the hardest thing in the world but drag yourself to a phone and call someone. If you can't talk about it than ask them to join you for the gym/fast food/people watching at the mall. Surround yourself with someone to fill the quiet time. Get a cat/puppy/turtle/pet rock if you don't have children. Adopt a neighbor's kid in the Big Brother/Sister program for a grocery shopping buddy. It's the quiet that will sneak up like a ninja and suffocate you in your sleep.
Give your spouse a break. Whether they mean too or not the majority of spouses can only fulfill a few of the needs they are used to filling in person. When lucky, spouses in the safer zones can email/text/call daily and hopefully vid chat once a week. Even with all that communication it can get stilted. Remember, the majority of phone calls are limited to 15 to 20 minutes, barely long enough to scratch any serious subject topics. Often the easier needs for your spouse to meet will be financial and physical, possible spiritual but more than likely not emotional. It's a simple thing to touch base about Johnny's school play, having enough money to pay the bills or are having dinner with friends. It's far harder to breach the "how are you?" topic in the limited time/media they have to communicate. I'm also fairly certain it's probably only compounded by the helplessness they are ignoring from not being able to physically fix the problem. Spouses want to fix problems, whether it's holding your hand at a maternity appointment or fixing a flat tire/dead battery/broken roof or moving van.
Last but not least my motto in this military: hope for the worst and you will be far more satisfied with the best results. Breathe in, breathe out. I'm not that great at these tips and sometimes I suck terribly, but I try my hardest and try to remember that each morning is a new day.
