Dear Darla Diaries

to you and yours

Happy Turkey Day to You and Yours! May you appreciate the unnoticed things in your life and cherish all the little things! I thank each and every one of you for every second you've taken to read my blog! My heart to yours ... Darla

commercialisms attack on feminism

Quite a few time wasters aka commercials have been tweaking my noodle lately. It's just really hard not to throw hard objects at my priceless antique behometh of a television when stereotype after stereotype gets stuffed down your throat so advertisers pull pennies out of your toe nails.

1. Gla.d family ziplock products: Sally is smart. Sally can freeze things. Sally can make ugly carrots, peas, generic noodles and hotdogs look even more unappetizing than they already looked. Good thing Sally can be saved because Gla.d supports the ever so fantastically talented Top Chef stars. Anyone wonder why stupid Steve isn't slaving over the kitchen or making cooky expressions at the television while balancing a bowl on his head and baby on his hip?

2. Re.e.bok butt shoes: Really? Wow, first off, who would have thought that walking on not even surfaces could be healthy and muscle inducing? Possibly just about any healthy person who chooses walking over vehicles or perhaps 1/2 of the downtown DC or New York metro populations? Well if that didn't sell it turn your shoe into a curved 1/2 bubble and hold a steady camera shot of a tanned, toned and nearly naked girl's ass and thigh. That is sure to get your message across. She actually beckons the viewer to gaze up through her breasts to her face with a "don't you like it?" smile. Gah!!! Seriously? Stfu-you!!! No I am not translating that acronym either.

3. Gl.a.de smelly things: Just because you make a beautiful odiferous product does not mean that the people appreciating such products have an IQ of a rock. The "yes it's Gl.ad.e" schpeal can wear itself extremely thin .... super soft Kleenex tissue thin. The vacant snotty woman perched merrily on her brocade couch with her magazine awaiting for a suited man holding a suitcase to walk into the room .... followed by an appreciative AH! like he is sniffing gold is causing me to do far more than ramble on and on with this sentence. Are they really thinking it acceptable to demean a wife's sole role in a relationship to fragrance purchaser?

4. Ko.hl.s: Social rules picked up in today's commercial ... (1) Women travel in packs. (2) Women are obsessed with shopping. (3) Women are obsessed with pretty shoes and shiny purses. (4) Women giggle and point and protect each other from sale nightmares.

5. Ka.ys: I HEART sappy harlequin jewelry ads. The corny 50s music. The posy poses. The faux lightning fright love jump. The ::gasp:: oh you shouldn't have, as tears well up in one eye is just blindingly beautiful and slightly gag-reflex inducing. No, you really can't expect me to appreciate the majority of anything produced or shown on the Life.time channel.

Anyone else have a favorite to share?

just a little thanks

Thank you for hugging me and calling me cute when I wake up with crazy bridezilla hair and garish morning breath.

Thank you for not giving me the whiny "aren't you going to make me dinner before you go?" when I head out for a girls night out.

Thank you for tucking me under your arm and tapping me on the nose when I trip over my own two feet and nearly land flat on my face instead of mocking me like a retarded toddler.

Thank you for appreciating my awkward moments and untangling my dyslexic speech instead of correct my every sentence with a dictionary.

Thank you for not making fun of the fact that I'm part of the 10% of society that can speed talk from the moment I wake up until the moment I lay down and appreciating the fact that I've actually slowed down in speech in the last 9 years of our marriage.

Thank you for loving me as me and not expecting me to be your mother, your maid, your cook, your laundry-mat or your sex slave but as your roommate, your companion, your partner and your equal.

Thank you for always seeing our bank accounts as joint money and never becoming over possessively anal about every penny of yours I spend or every penny of mine.

Thank you for being every obnoxious bit of you because I've always loved you for every unique character quirk that makes you you as much as you love me for me.

the drunken carcass of my reality

There seems to be a misconceived notion that the nearer you get to the end of the deployment the giddier you'll get. Shandi made a very astute quote this evening by telling me: "you'll either get more antsy or completely numb to the whole thing."

My skin is on fire lately. I crave a man's touch like a marathon runner, in the middle of the Sahara crawling on their belling across the endless expanse of sand, craves a single solitary drop of water. I cannot imagine the goose-bumps that will fly across my skin the first time MrD brushes a finger across the nape of my neck, bumps his shoulder into mine or brushes his lips against me with the lightest of touches.

It's taking every ounce of my concentration to see through the white elephant lolly-gagging it's fat ass in the middle of my eyesight. No matter where I turn it's yawning, stretching and fiddling like an impatient feline. I equally want to pet it, stroke it and name it and poke it, whack it and erase it back to invincibility.

I don't think I can afford to admit the fear, the longing, the loneliness of missing him in my presence. It's like labeling the ache and shadow of not bearing a child that has lodged itself so high in my breast bone that it has permanently become another piece of me.

I let life distract me. It's sort of transitioned my jitteriness into other avenues.

I get frustrated for my mom-mate when she's in a funk.

I medicate my puppy who has a some-what slowly evolving fatal tumor in her right rear hip. [I've just not been in the mood to even broach the subject of discovering my baby's death script or the $500+ vet/med bill that keeps climbing.]

I scrub and medicate my kitten's neck wound multiple times a day. [He got his curiosity where it shouldn't be, said the vet, and has to wait until the hair grows back.]

I gorge and binge myself on WoW gaming.

I edit photos here and there but can't focus enough or feel motivated enough to throw them on my blog.

I am here. I hire and fire. I laugh and try to only cry in moderate bits.

I stay awake way too late. Wide eyed ... chattering aimlessly at the mom-mate or blink-blink-blinking through shows. I wake up randomly, sometimes restlessly and today at the exact time my ass should've been at my desk.

I try to capture bits and pieces for my blog and it flits away from me like a delicate drunken butterfly.

the rules is da rule

Good news: It was a normal day in Sharon Springs, KS when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina .

The Bad news: Just a few miles into the trip a wheel bearing became overheated and melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail, creating white hot molten metal droppings spewing down to the rail.

The Good news: A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train and immediately stopped the train in compliance with the rules.

The Bad news: The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge with creosote ties and trusses.

The crew tried to explain to higher-ups but were instructed not to move the train!

They were instructed Rules prohibit moving the train when a part is defective!


RULES IS RULES!

(Don't let common sense get in the way of a good disaster!)

the new work dress code

Things I’ve learned recently …

   1. A 32 oz sugar free iced cherry coconut Monster tastes much better all over my desk once I’ve popped a hole in the bottom of the cup

   2. Being an a$$ does not make you qualified to be OWED an employment position. My expectations aren’t that high.

3. The phrase “I should AT LEAST be able to get a job WITH YOU, as if we hire any Tom, Dick or Harry to walk in the door sans any qualifications what.so.ever, isn’t helping your cause either. We have standards, but apparently you must be too short to see the bar.

  4. Nothing causes quite as much havoc as my kitty in a head cone and no sense of depth perception. Nic-a-knacks will fall. Water glasses will be tipped. Walls will get dented. Food will be knocked asunder.

   5. Never underestimate the power of irrational power-laden military political leaders and the amount of shit they can bury their deployed airmen with.

  6. I don’t think my fellow HR people would understand my desire to work in ripped up sweats and a green Mohawk.

   7. One man’s perception of the length of 60 days and another man’s view on 2 months time can vary greatly. All 1,440 hours of it. All 86,4000 minutes of it. All 5,184,000 seconds of it.

   8. It might be time to take a break from WoW when you start having nightmares about falling asleep during game play and pissing off guild mates and strangers. [I actually woke myself thinking a keyboard was in my lap and people were yelling at me over vent(internet voice chat.) Addict!]

   9. Sometimes it is almost illegal the amount of fun that can be had at work. If it is considered enough to be illegal may I be excused?

  10. Just because you lick windows, wear a helmet, ride the special bus and eat crayons doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Just expect a few unwarranted looks from the other elitist snobs that live in our bubble.

reaching for the tylenol

Dear S
So I have a date this week.
It’s at 7p tonight.
He said I have to wear a special dress code.
He informed me that antiperspirant is required.
He suggested that headphones although helpful, weren’t necessary.
He said he would bring his friend Pain to hang out with us.
He said he didn’t have care what my husband thought about us.
He said he likes 3-ways and you are his type.
He also said you can have a 7-day pass, after that he plans to stalk you like a dog on a bone.
He said you may have met before …. His name is Cardy O.
He said not to worry about his last name, he’d be the one making phone calls
He said when he was done with me I wouldn’t remember my name and my husband probably wouldn’t recognize my body
Darla



LOL that's awesome!!! He sounds familiar but it's been a while. Will you tell him that I'll meet up with him soon?? And don't have too much fun without me!! lol
S

they work for their pennies ...

EDIT: Ooops! Schooled by snopes.com. I"m embarrassed to admit that I posted email spam before checking. What's really sucky is that I rarely read them, let alone forward or ever post to my email. So I'm hanging my chagrined head and hope to post better fodder in the future. lol. Wish me luck!

Ms. Cindy William wrote a piece for the Washington Times denouncing the pay raise(s) coming service members' way this year citing that she stated a 13% wage increase was more than they deserve.

A young airman from Hill AFB responds to her article below. He ought to get a bonus for this.

"Ms Williams: I just had the pleasure of reading your column, "Our GI's earn enough"

and I am a bit confused. Frankly, I'm wondering where this vaunted overpayment is going, because as far as I can tell, it disappears every month between DFAS (The Defense Finance and Accounting Service) and my bank account. Checking my latest earnings statement I see that I make $1,117.80 before taxes per month. After taxes, I take home $874.20.  When I run that through the calculator, I come up with an annual salary of $13,413.60 before taxes, and $10,490.40 after.

I work in the Air Force Network Control Center where I am part of the team responsible for a 5,000 host computer network. I am involved with infrastructure segments, specifically with Cisco Systems equipment. A quick check under jobs for "Network Technicians" in the Washington, D.C. area reveals a position in my career field, requiring three years experience in my job. Amazingly, this job does NOT pay $13,413.60 a year. No, this job is being offered at $70,000 to $80,000 per annum........... I'm sure you can draw the obvious conclusions.

Given the tenor of your column, I would assume that you NEVER had the pleasure of serving your country in her armed forces. Before you take it upon yourself to once more castigate congressional and DOD leadership for attempting to get the families in the military's lowest pay brackets off of WIC and food stamps, I suggest that you join a group of deploying soldiers headed for AFGHANISTAN ; I leave the choice of service branch
up to you. Whatever choice you make though, opt for the SIX month rotation: it will guarantee you the longest possible time away from you family and friends, thus giving you full "deployment experience."

As your group prepares to board the plane, make sure to note the spouses and children who are saying good-bye to their loved ones. Also take care to note that several families are still unsure of how they'll be able to make ends meet while the primary breadwinner is gone. Obviously they've been squandering the "vast" piles of cash the government has been giving them.

Try to deploy over a major holiday; Christmas and Thanksgiving are perennial favorites. And when you're actually over there, sitting in a foxhole, shivering against the cold desert night, and the flight sergeant tells you that there aren't enough people on shift to relieve you for chow, remember this: trade whatever MRE's (meal-ready-to-eat) you manage to get for the tuna noodle casserole or cheese tortellini, and add Tabasco to everything. This gives some flavor.

Talk to your loved ones as often as you are permitted; it won't be nearly long enough or often enough, but take what you can get and be thankful for it. You may have picked up on the fact that I disagree with most of the points you present in your open piece.

But, tomorrow from KABUL , I will defend to the death your right to say it.

You see, I am an American fighting man, a guarantor of your First Amendment right and every other right you cherish...On a daily basis, my brother and sister soldiers worldwide ensure that you and people like you can thumb your collective noses at us, all on a salary that is nothing short of pitiful and under conditions that would make most people cringe. We hemorrhage our best and brightest into the private sector because we can't offer the stability and pay of civilian companies.

And you, Ms. Williams, have the gall to say that we make more than we deserve? You can kiss my royal white a**!!!

A1C Michael Bragg, Hill AFB AFNCC