It's been a week of revelations and as always, the people that surround me give me the best inspiration for my blog.
1. Scheduling restrictions. Don’t apply to a seven-day a week, open-most-holiday retail store with schedule restrictions. During a recession where most companies are barely hiring and 5 million people need jobs, you can’t put your daycare schedule down as your availability. 98% of the time you won’t get interviewed with your restrictions being no mornings, afternoons, evenings, weekends or holidays. If you want a 9-to-5 job you need to apply at a 9-to-5 company. Banks, offices, schools and apartment complexes are great starts. Steer clear of food, retail and recreational locales.
2. Military spouse privileges. Just because an employer is located ON a military installation doesn’t mean they OWE every military spouse a job. You may get spouse’s preference but that’s doesn’t mean we need to take a civilian employee of 20+ years and shaft them because you are a noob with unrealistic expectations. You forget, your spouse got the stripes/stars/bars on his/her arm because they EARNED it. You can too.
3. Application completion. There is a very high probability if you spell misdemeanor “misdanniner” you may have eliminated yourself from the candidate pool.
4. Charity work. The majority of for-profit companies are not running a charity operation. Just because we donate money to well deserved charities doesn’t mean we are handing our employees checks out of the generosity of our hearts. If you feel the need to whine, moan, complain, constantly take unauthorized breaks and refuse to work your scheduled time than go elsewhere. You are blocking the line of eager, eligible, overqualified and unemployed that would gladly take your place at the minimum wage you were earning. These are tough times and as much as we are a family supporting environment, even families can’t stand able bodied freeloaders. Also, if somehow you have managed to battle through those lines and got hired and you pull that attitude from day one of your employment, you too can go elsewhere. You are merely wasting our time and yours.
5. Passive Patsy. If you have something to say to a fellow co-worker, subordinate or supervisor please pull up your big girl panties, suck it up and spit it out … in a professional manner (public tantrums will never be appropriate.) Don’t send passive aggressive emails and smile directly to the recipient’s face AS IF THEY CAN’T READ. Also, don’t whine to HR and refuse to take action. Either suck it up and ignore it or face the problem head on. HR is a great wall to bounce your issues off of, but we are also self-empowering. The majority of the minor stuff brought into my office can be resolved with a three to five minute conversation between two individuals with or without a mediator behind closed doors. There isn’t a need to run your mouth with the six other smokers, ten times a day or spread it all over the store. Often times a simple misunderstanding of a molehill got blown out of mammoth proportions and was never meant to be harmful in the first place. Let’s be adults, and stop throwing rocks on the playgrounds. If you need a recess attendant you shouldn’t be employed. (And I’m not referring to Goodwill or disable candidates but those with IQs off the charts and very coherent functioning thought.)
6. Interview error. Yes, you have to sell yourself at an interview. If you answer the question “why should I hire you for this position?” with “why do YOU think you should hire me?” you may need to reassess your strategy. Most interviews last 30-60 minutes. I’ve had very successful ones last 15-30. If I have to do a post-interview interview of the 60-120 minute variety and you still aren’t getting it, maybe this job isn’t for you. It is a careful but appreciated balance of self-worth and self-respect when you stand up and passionately say “I think I would be perfect for this job because x, y and z.” Most interviewers aren’t telepathic. Regardless of your carefully completed resume, application, background check and dress the interview is the icing on the cake. It’s really hard to see past a pile of completely shit-icing to the diamond in the rough. This isn’t the decade where it’s convenient, easy or possible for us to spoon feed every new hire. We expect to train them, but to break down their attitude like a boot camp training instructor really is for the military only.
7. Dressing up, dressing down. If you wouldn’t go to church in a bikini, on a date smelling like a cow pen or to school in your pajamas, than how would you dress for work? Jeans and t-shirts can actually be very suitable when interviewing to be a burger flipper, just realize that being clean and fresh smelling is also a plus. If you like your ten thousand piercings, blue hair and wear skinny jeans just remember to research what kind of job you are interviewing for. I have hired candidates wearing three piece suits, polo shirts and khakis or tank tops and shorts. I have been slightly turned off by lingering odors than remain far after a candidate or a trail of bread crumbs surrounding Pigpen. It doesn’t have to be expensive or extensive to be appropriate. A little homework can be very helpful. If you don’t have the availability to visit your future-employment-possibility prior to an interview just call. Most companies will not have a single problem discussing their dress code and proper work attire for the unknowledgeable.
8. Tardiness leads to detention. I have the opportunity to be a little lenient in tardiness area, however many employers are not. If any of you don’t remember there is an often coined phrase ‘you never get a second chance to make a first impression’ and that begins with tardiness. Regardless of what you are wearing, how you smell, how you talk, how your walk or what you drive, the first impression you will ever give is your punctuality. Better to be early than late, unless there was a nature disaster, flat tire or some unforeseen disaster. If, and I do mean if or when these things happen, call ahead. If you possess a cell phone or can get to a landline, pick it up and use it. Many employers will be somewhat forgiving when you child starts spontaneously vomiting on you as you walk out the door or your car tire explodes all over the freeway. We understand that life is completely unpredictable yet have to still hold a higher standard to those deliberate delinquents lounging insolently across from us. Remember #4, this isn’t a charity drive. If it were, you would not be getting our money.
