Dear Darla Diaries

more luv from Alfalfa

7:22pm Sat, Dec 12
Dear Darla. U make a good sounding board.
Spank muchly.
The Alfinator

7:25pm
My Dearest Darlas. Dont b alarmd when.
You cant get out of the closet.
The hole in the door is for the food.
With All My Love.
ALFALFA

7:27pm
Im gonna punch my name in your face Darla.
A tattoo of my love.
To ware off the others.
Alfalfa

7:37pm
Darloopie
It takes 5 lifetimes to find a friend like u.
Since i cant kill 5 people, ive decidd to carry u in mypocket @ all times.
Ur collar will arrive tmrw.
Alfie

Some have tw.i.tter. Some have fac.e.book. Some have celeb bl.o.gs. I have my own personal txt msg stalker. My twin. You should be so lucky.

i love this child

My twin's oldest boy son had the awesomest revelation (yes I said AWESOMEST) about me today: Everything is going WRONG with Aunt Darla!!! Her life is going down the hole. I wish we could save her. Her dog has cancer cells. Uncle D is in Mars and her kitty keeps running away!

What an epiphany! If I saw my life how Austin does I must be a completely sordid mess! Little did the poor fella know that text from his mother made me laugh my butt off.

My dog does have cancer cells, true. The narcotics and anti-inflammatories help out a great deal. We've finally achieved the right mix to take away part of her pained limpy whine and not completely comatose her. She's also lived a long good life, which makes it a little easier to let her go. The hardest part is that since I don't have children it is feeling a bit like my first born is facing her mortality. Mr D got her as a 6 wk puppy about 6 months before we got together. She came with him. It all started

Mr D is in Mars, that is irrefutable. The nifty little un-type-pad-social counter on the left of my blog shows he's down to the last 20% of his trip. As far as separations go I think of this as not the worst thing to happen to our marriage. The first 18 months of our fertility apts just may have topped it by a hair. January is just a blink away. (Not too mention if I think of it too closely it seems like standing smack dab in the middle of the Sahara's seeking a single drop of water.)

My kitty didn't "run away." He merely found some sort of dangerous place in my house that he hadn't discovered in the last 2 years of his completely house-bound life and managed to stick his curiosity smack dab in the middle of it. And he got his curiosity stuck, thus a 3-week episode of the head cone.

P.S. if you just came a little closer Sue would give you the biggest puppy love you've ever felt and she barely  licks anyone since her short tubby tongue is the same length as her short stubby tail. She will give you her big sappy eyes and sit on you a bit!

my Roof is on fire!

I can hardly contain my excitement. The tickets have been booked and vacation time reserved from work. At our 1/2 way mark of MrD's deployment I get to celebrate one of the best ways I know how ... loving on family. So I'm off to DC from Thursday at the crack of dawn through Monday afternoon to play with my baby sister Roof! Yay me, go team and the fabulous Woot!

I'll try and catch ya'll up on the flip side. I'm sure I'll have a million stories, a million photos and a million distractions, like my j-o-b.

magic trick

I was completely surprised to find out that not only did my brother Xtian master text messaging a week after his release from incarceration but he's all over picture mail. Haven't talked in twenty years and now we 24/7 chat like my BFF twin sister who never sleeps. Ever. We are symbiotic. I have to ignore her when MrD and I play 'scrabble'.

Anyhoo, back to the brother, cause this was meant for him. His first weekend free was spent playing poker and ... and ... and ... listening to me drunk dial him. Whoops. WELCOME HOME BUDDY! and oh, by the way, I know it's been decades but ... it's ME ... YOUR BABY SISTER! pleasedonthangupcausemyboysoutofthecountryandnooneelseisawake ... please ...

Today he got to celebrate his 2nd full weekend out North Cali style. (In the past few days we've gotten quite the education on his residing in San Fransisco, CA and that's NorCal and hell yes there is a difference. Sorry the hick from the sticks from Southern Oregon just means I qualify to point at Jeff Foxworthy jokes and think omygod that's totally my entire family!! And, that THAT is totally me. Yep.)

Grats bro! Hope you enjoyed your Giants game! You deserve it! No matter what Cal it covers, it definitely embraces your FREEDOM! Now keep your damn nose clean. Oh, and call me, and tonight is cool for you to return the drunk dial favor. Because last night wouldn't have worked, had to work today ... yada, yada, yada.

P.S. After all these years the only thing that is still completely bizarre is that the voice from my pen pal letters from his jail time totally matchs up to a very calm, peaceful plite voice and is still clashing from his completely ghetto gangster punk ass visual. So weird. Which isn't too say I have a think wrong with his ginormous tattooed ass, that actually completely amuses and interests my naive ass, just need to physically see him in the very near future so it all syncs up.

back in the day

half way through a short week

Another day and still no deployment date yet other than the vague spread between now and 9 Jul. I am terribly excited about the thought that tomorrow is my Tuesday/Thursday. God bless three day weekends, even if it is overshadowed by that stupid white elephant.

These punks are coming to visit: herald in the sounds of squirelly boys crying, whining, laughing and pummeling the crap out of each other as only siblings can do.

Now if chasing these ragamuffins around parks and through lakes with paddle boats and removing the wii remotes gently from their hands and sticking them repeatedly into the time out corner can't distract me from MrD's impeding exodus to an Afghan-Deployment than what else is there? I suppose their mother - my twin sister and her fun husband will be a good whip topping to that sundae as well.

the beatdown of MrD

Sometimes I'm reminded of that country comedian who used to schpeal "here's your sign" when those continually odd and random things pop into life. I keep thinking that I really can't make this stuff up. Mia's and Mo's blogs are chock plumb full of examples of such craziness. One such example was a small little instigated incident on our road trip last weekend.

First this lovely photo was taken of MrD's mom or my MIL and her sisters. A dangerous and beautiful bunch this batch of women. Mom is in red [if you were curious where my little sweetheart came from.]

Than rumor has it ... and the aunt's bear witness ... MrD was heard saying "why would anyone want to take a picture of all those old hags?" Lovely little darling isn't he.

I almost thought to aid in his defense ... but taking photos was so much more fun!

When I asked him how many years it's been since all the aunts had mobbed one of the grandsons, he replied a very.long.time. I can't imagine why. It did take a good chunk of them, minus his mother, to get him on the ground.

how sweet it is

MrD's sister A introduced me to a new photo site. I normally am highly addicted to Flickr but this new layout at Shutterfly is not only user friendly but allows members to directly order prints and c'mon, isn't that the whole purpose? So here's my first bits (for those of you interested.)

a bit of family time

Since I'm not trying to be a slacker, but I am spending the next 6 days in a whirlwind road trip with MrD (just a great excuse to break in the new camera) I will share the past weekend revelry with the kid bro.

adios chanse boy

MrD's brother Chanse left at the crack of dawn this morning. The 15 year-old punk was quite the riot. We all got very little sleep from late Thursday night through this moment. Right now. Lucky MrD is on leave through midJune. I will be running on fumes the next few days but good visits like that are worth every dime.

This poor kid received so much flack on base about the afro ... as you can imagine. He's growing it out to donate to Locks of Love. I think it's fantastic.